Saying Goodbye to 2012

2013 is fast approaching… at the tail end of 2012 it feels like this year has gone by so fast…. Too fast! I still remember the beginning of 2012, all excited to start IVF in February; this was THE year, I thought. I miss that feeling; being naïve, having a lot of hope, excitement with all the possibility of what the year would bring. As the months roll by; my eyes are wide open…excitement begins to fade and I am trying hard to hang on to the tiny shred of hope… Reality check.

Allah has a different plan for me. I had a lot of hurdles to jump through. IVF didn’t even happen till June… half a year… gone. Where did the time go? Even though there have been a lot of heartache this year, I have a lot to be thankful for and I think I will focus on that…

I am thankful for:

1. The joy of a positive beta. Even though the pregnancy ended in an early miscarriage; it didn’t erase the joy that I felt for being pregnant for the first time.

2. 10 years anniversary. We made it 10 years dear Hubby and me… and our love is growing stronger every day.

3. 11kg / 24.2lbs loss since January… wuhuu!!

4. 2 frosties still waiting for us.

5. Family. To love and be loved so unconditionally… I’m blessed!

Here’s to an astronomical blessed New Year… May all our dreams finally come true.

Love

N

Facelift

A new makeover, ready to greet lucky 2013…

It’s Cancelled!

I’’m all over the place today. Feels like if I stop; I will break down. Our cycle is canceled again. I still did not get a LH surge and it’s CD21. The scan confirms the follicle is very much still there. The doctor seems sure that I would ovulate this cycle but he would be away by the end of the week so he won’t be around for the transfer. He suggested that I have the transfer done by the other dr in the practice but following my gut instinct, I would still prefer my current dr to perform the transfer. I asked the dr again about getting a trigger shot, he said they used to do that but don’t anymore. From what he has seen, there is a lower pregnancy rate if you go with the trigger option. He says he doesn’t know why but that’s statically correct for his practice. He goes on to say, we have 2 good embryos and there is a good chance that at least one makes it so he doesn’t want to rush into transferring just to follow my timing or to follow his. So it’s back to the drawing board. I will still monitor my LH to see if I have a surge this cycle and at what CD.

It’s getting frustrating. Why isn’t my body doing what it’s supposed to? I set on the sofa crying on my hubby’s shoulders after getting another negative on the OPK yesterday – the cutoff day to determine if we are going to proceed this cycle. This sucks!  I have no positive words of wisdom today……Today I just feel like sulking!

Love

N

Appointment Update

So I had another hot date with the dildo cam today; my lead follicle has grown to 19.5mm and my lining is at 8.5 so the dr is happy. So from today till Monday I’m supposed to do an ovulation test to see when I ovulate. When I do; I will need to call the clinic and the transfer will be 4 days after the surge. I was really concern since the dr has told us on previous appointment that he would be away after Christmas and that would be when my FET would be. I asked him again today and he assured me that he would come in to do my transfer…. Got to love that man! I have the best dr in the world!! Oh yea, if I don’t have a surge, I will need to go back to see the dr on Monday. Hope I don’t have to do that.

So all smiles today. Looks like things are moving along. Hoping the smiles continue coz if you’ve been here before, you’ll know how fast things can change.

Sending positive energy for all TTC’s out there

Love
N

Another day

So I went to see the dr for our CD14 scan to see how I’m progressing. I have a few follicles growing; the dominant one is only at 12mm and my lining is 6.5. That sucks as I’m already at CD14… shouldn’t it be bigger by now? Will I ovulate at all this cycle? My dr will be away from the 27th onwards, will I “get there” in time? Hmm… I have another appointment with him on Friday to see if we are progressing.  This waiting game is no fun!  I asked dr if he would give me a trigger shot to make sure I ovulate, but he says that he would rather I ovulate on my own. Ah well, it’s hard to stay positive at times like this… It’s also hard to stay off goggle!

On another note, my family is back from their Europe holidays… I opted not to go along on the trip because I thought I would be doing my transfer during the time… and now they are back and I’m not any closer to transferring…. No fair!

I am not feeling very positive today. Please send some positive vibes my way if you have some to spare.

Love

N

FET take 1.1

This time around the dr put me on Tamoxifen from CD 2 to CD 6 to encourage ovulation. The truth is I’m a little apprehensive that I would ovulate on my own. I will talk to the dr on getting a trigger shot to ensure I ovulate, but I don’t know if it’s a common practice though. Can’t hurt to ask right? No major side effect on Tamoxifen, just some headache but nothing too bad. Did not get my usual hot flashes either, Yeay! Just hope it had done its job and my body is cooperating! We will know more on the 17th, which will be my CD14… I have a date with the dildo cam!

I have some friends in real life and also blogs I follow that got pregnant about the same time I did last cycle. Looking at their baby bump and reading their stories kinda make me think about the what ifs… Where would I be if things had gone differently, how big my already big belly would be by now? Would we have started to buy things to prepare for the baby to arrive in February; just 3 months away. Would it have been a boy or a girl? One wonders… Don’t worry about me, I’m doing ok. I’m focus on moving ahead. Every time I see a baby bump in my heart I wish the mother and the baby well and the pregnancy will be smooth sailing and pray that Allah will grant me the same joy one day soon.

Sending arm loads of hugs out there in cyberworld….

Love

N

I’m still here

It’s been a really long time since my last post. Like the diaries of my teenage years, it gets abandon after the initial excitement!

I’m back on the TTC rollercoaster. We are gearing up for my FET later this month.  Actually we were set to start FET in October but as always the dreaded cysts put our plans on hold. It’s ok though, everything happens for a reason right? Just grit my teeth and power through…

It feels good to start again in away, the nerves and my Google addiction is back. Wish us luck!

Love 

N