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And I forgot I was supposed to start my diet today LOL. I remembered right after lunch so I skipped my usual ice cream cone. That’s progress right? (Face in Palm)

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The truth is after giving birth I was surprise at how “flat-ish” my tummy was. Of course there were flabs but it was much flatter than before pregnancy. I was happy, everyone told me I looked good and it looked like I lost quite a bit of weight. I did. I lost all of my pregnancy weight as well as an additional 5-6 kg. I was recovering from the c-section and breastfeeding the little one. I had no sleep. All these contributed to the weight loss.

Fast forward to today. I’m back at work for 2 months now. Baby A sleeps through the night and my body is used to the daily grind. I’ve also became a fan of mc Donalds ice cream cone. Sigh….. I’m afraid to look at the scale. When I look at the mirror (when I have the time to look) I can see my cheeks getting chubbier. Dresses feels snugger. Sigh…. If only I could just maintain the weight during confinement, I’d be happy. Now I’d probably have to start all over again to lose all that I’ve already lost <- – – does this make sense?? Sigh…. Double sigh…

So… what’s my game plan? I really don’t know how to start. I don’t have time to cook. I do have time to puree fruits and veg for the little guy but that’s the limit of my cooking these days 😀 I’ve been looking at diet options. The best for me right now is low carb diet since I think for me personally carb is my enemy no 1. But it’s quite difficult with our diet based on rice and noodles and bread and potatoes and pasta… yummm pasta… sighhh!!!

My plan is to eliminate rice for now and eat more protein (I’ve tried this and failed a couple of hundred times but not this time – fingers crossed). I’ve seen friends go through low carb diet and lose quite a bit of weight and actually help with their blood sugar level. I just need to be healthier. It’s no longer because I want to look good but I want to be healthier for my son. I want him to have a mom that run around with him. I want him to have his mom period.

When do I start? The procrastinator in me says Monday 😛

One year today I heard the most amazing thing in the world. Your heart beating, my son. I remember it like it was yesterday, the fear I felt before the scan and the relief and joy I felt with happy tears rolling down my face when Dr A said she could already see you and let us hear the sound of your heart beating. Today you are a healthy, happy and smart little boy and the love of both mama and baba’s life. You are a gift and everyday I’m thankful. I hope both me and your father will be good parents and a good example to you insya Allah.

It might be strange that this day stands out like a neon sign for me. Most parents would probably remember their first positive pregnancy test instead, but I have been pregnant before; twice before but I never got to see the blinking dot on the ultrasound screen or the galloping sound of the heartbeat. None except for this lucky no 3. That is why this day is so important to me. Exactly one year ago I was able to hope again.
Today I pray for Dr A and all the other fertility specialist who with Allah’s will continue to help people like us. May Allah protect and bless them and their family so that they are able to continue doing good for the world of infertility. May Allah guide their mind, hands and hearts to do what’s best for us all.

For all that reads my blog and are still on this journey, may Allah protect your heart and give you hope and strength to weather this difficult time. May He grant you with your beautiful, healthy babies soon. Insya Allah. Amin.

They call it a staycation; a short getaway during the weekend. I wanted to celebrate DH’s birthday but didn’t plan to travel far. I decided to book a hotel room 20 minutes away from home. Lame I know but I didn’t want baby A to be stuck in the car for too long and a plane ride with a baby is just daunting right now, so we take what we can get. I had made plans with the hotel to surprise hubby with cake and presents in the room. It turned out well and we had loads of fun. Hubby was pleasantly surprised. The hotel was smack in front of Pavilion mall and Bukit Bintang that we had a great time shopping from one mall to another. We felt like tourist for the weekend. Baby A was super excited too. He didn’t mind the shopping or the change in sleeping schedule or sleeping in a different bed. I think he might just be ready for a longer trip.

It is different going on vacation with a little one. I remember the days when we just get up and go. Throw a few t-shirts in the bag and off we went. But with baby A, I needed to make sure I got all his needs covered. Being a first time mom I think I overdo it at times. Our suite case was packed to the brim and it was only for 1 night 😀 I almost brought along the sterilizer for his bottles before dear hubby stopped me LOL. There was his stroller and his carrier and his fedora (the boy got style 😉 ). Not to mention the bag full of diapers. We had another trip to Seremban the week after the first vacation. This time it is a much longer trip in the car and we stayed 2 nights for my cousin wedding (I’ll write about this soon). Baby A did wonderfully but we were just as bad with the over packing 😀 It’s ok now since it’s a road trip but if we fly, imagine the extra weight we will have to pay for!

I think we will adapt once we travel more and get our acts together. I want baby A to have a chance to see the world. At this age he probably wouldn’t remember, but I’m sure there is a lot he can learn at every turn.

Baby A turned 5 month yesterday! Oh boy how time flies.

I don’t know if it is ok, but can I start writing about baby A’s development here? I find that too many TTC blogs stop having new posts once baby comes. I find myself wanting to know how these people are doing once the baby is here. How their life changed after baby. Not everyone who frequent TTC blogs care to read about babies I guess. I apologize if my post doesn’t appeal to you anymore. I want to continue writing about my life as an infertile with a baby and our journey as parents. I’m sure there will be more TTC adventures we will go through if and when we decide to try for a sibling for baby A.

Baby A – 5 Months

I can’t believe he is 5 month old already (in 3 days). There is a picture of him at 2 days old on our wall and every time I pass that picture I can’t believe how much he has grown. I miss my wee little baby that could fit in the nook of my arm. Baby A is 8.4kg now and loves to jump on our lap when we hold him up. We had a visit with his baby dr for his shots, he didn’t even cry, my brave boy. The dr said we could start giving him solids/baby cereals or pureed fruits/vegetable. There is a debate on when to start baby on solids. Some are rigid with not until 6 months but some says between 4-6 months depending on the baby readiness. Baby A’s dr who is also a pediatrician and a baby cardiologist says as long as there is no family history of allergy or asthma he strongly suggest that we start now as it would help him with his reflux. I cried a little when I got home. I wasn’t ready for my son to start eating. He is… me, not so much. He’s growing up so fast. I blink and he’s a different baby. He can roll over now and loves it when we talk to him and he will coo along. He loves his mobile but is apprehensive of touching teddies or toys with faces on them (maybe the one’s I got are too funky). He likes his football and teether rings. He tries hard to sit up on his own but still requires support. He’s not a smiley baby but when he gives us those gummy grins, my heart just melts.

DH and I are more settled now. We are better at handling the baby and not jump and run to the dr every time baby A spit up/cry/sneeze/poop/no poop. The days are still a little exhausting. I’m still getting used to the break in my sleep. I’m so used to have 7-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep so it’s hard for me. There has been time I nodded off at work which I’m not proud of.

We send the baby to my mom’s in the morning and picking him up after work. By the time we reach home at night, it would be 8.30/9pm at night and we have so little time to play with the baby before getting him ready for bed. Baby A will have a bed time story after his last feed for the night and will sleep from 9.30pm to 6am but he sometimes wakes up at 4 for a feed then back to sleep and wakes up at 6. We will have dinner after baby A is in lala land. Then its bottle wash/sterilize/dry. Wash baby clothing and get stuff ready for the next day. Repeat for 5 days and then the weekends comes and it would be just wonderful. More time with baby with lots and lots of cuddles and kisses, outings and playtime. I longed for the weekends. These last 3 nights we had a sleep over at my mom’s since hubby had to go on a work assignment. I must admit it feels really good not to have the commute, sending the baby to mom’s and picking him up in the evening. It save a lot of time beating the rush hour traffic and I had so much time after baby A goes to bed that I didn’t know what to do with myself LOL. I’m in danger of making this a habit 😀

I feel so blessed that I have mom so close by and she is not only willing to take care of baby A but will not have it any other way. May Allah bless our mothers.