Separation Anxiety

Merry Christmas, can’t believe we are at the end of the year already. In a couple of days we will meet 2017! I’m loving the long weekends we’ve been having. I think a 4 days a week for work is the way to go. If I become PM I’d make that compulsory LOL

We’ve been having some separation issues. By we, I mean me and little A. The usual routine on work days would be, little a and dH would drop me off and dH would drive little A to mummy’s and we’ll pick up little A together at around 6.30pm. These past few months the dropping me off has been tough. Before I leave the car I’ll tell him, “mama is going work and will be back at 6.30, you have fun with mummy ok, learn new things 🙂 take care of mummy for me”. I’m not sure he understands though; maybe he does? He would wave and blow me kisses and I’d do the same, then he would cry and cry as the car pulls away. Of course seeing this I would cry too. Dh tell’s me that little A would cry himself to sleep until they reach mummy’s house. It breaks my heart. I don’t know how to make it better. He loves going to mummy’s. He has his cousins there and he loves playing with them. It’s the – me leaving part I guess. Lately little A has been really clingy. I love it because I get to be close to him for cuddles and play. I get little done around the house, but that’s ok too. We just won’t have people over for the next year or two haha… the down side is, when I have to go way to work, or to shower little A would cry buckets. I hope we can start dealing with the separation anxiety; both at his end and mine. Anyone have a remedy on how we can cope better? Advice is welcome.

Love

N

About Her

I’ve written about her a few times. Our baby bear, my daughter who is my niece. I don’t like it when people call her my niece or if she introduces me as her aunt because our relationship is more than that. What do you call someone who teaches you how to be a mother? What do you call someone that makes you feel unconditional love, and the desire to always want to care for and protect and give your maternal instinct an outlet? A daughter, she is my daughter.

After 2 years of marriage, me and dH was ready to start a family. My elder sister has a son who was 3 and was ready to have another. We thought wouldn’t it be fun if we were to get pregnant at the same time! To experience the journey with my big sister would have been awesome. Well, we all know now, it didn’t happen for us. My sister on the other hand had a little girl. dH and I took to her straight away. We fell in love with her coos and her cute button nose. Since my sister and I were living with my parents, we got to see each other every single day. We would carry and cuddle her every chance we got and babysit if her parents needed to go out. We would play with her and her brother. When she was fussy and crying, dH and I could always calm her down.

I think it was when she was almost 2 when her mom was pregnant with her little brother that she started to love sleeping with us at night. Well then again I was the famous aunt, both of the kids loved playing and having sleepovers ; P Since she was no longer breastfeeding we could take her out with us. We even took her on a holiday out of town just the 3 of us (or at least till the next morning when my sister and parents decided to show up LOL). I guess we had our share of dirty diapers, nursing a sick child, throw up all over the sheets in the middle of the night, disciplining and easing tantrums as well as millions of hugs and kisses. I guess that is why in a way dH and I were never too lonely, I was Mama Bear and dH was Papa Bear and we had our Baby Bear. We were a family.

When we moved to our own place, we got baby bear on weekends. I cherished those moments. We would go out shopping or watch musicals, bake cookies and cakes, rush and finish homework or just lay in the bed and cuddle. When I got pregnant with little A aka Little Bear, many people tells me that once I have him, my relationship with her would change. I told them they were crazy, they didn’t know the bond I have with her so how could they judge? Now a year on, have the relationship changed? I hope not. I know the love I have for her has not changed one bit. The family dynamics has changed. Baby Bear loves her little brother very much and is aware that he needs me. Baby bear is now 12 and has her own thing going on with friends and school and puberty. This last 6 months I get to see her lesser and lesser since her parents has moved. Sleep over is becoming rarer as she has piano lessons and friends sleep over on weekends. I miss her. I know she has to grow up, but she is and always will be our Baby Bear. When she came by a couple of weeks ago, I did her facial, it was hurried as is my life right now, but when I looked at her face, I can’t help but stare. There was that telltale knot in my throat, I teared up. She has grown up. She is no longer the cute baby with button nose that I held in my lap, she is now a beautiful young lady.

I remembered a time, when I was worried about the future, who will take care of me when I’m old and grey? Sha do you remember your promise? (Her answer to the question was “of course Sha lah jaga mama” I will take care of you) Now we have you and little A to look out for me and Papa Bear when we old and grey. Alhamdulillah. We are so blessed.

I know our lives will change as you grow older my love, but one thing that will stay constant is our love for you. I hope it is the same at your end too. Goodnight Baby Bear, Goodnight Papa Bear, Goodnight Little Bear. Mama Bear loves you

Guilt

Little A had a slight fever last night and got somewhat worst this morning. This is his first fever, he had the flu a few times but his temperature never got this high. I’m at work. I was all ready to call in to stay home but I have a system going live today and I need to be at work. I need to be at home too. I need to be with my baby but I left for work. I’m ridden with guilt. Ahhh – the working mom’s guilt. Thankfully we were staying at my mom’s last night since we were celebrating my nephew’s birthday. We planned on the sleep over at mom’s and as it turned out a blessing. Now little A is with his dad. Yea, dH got to stay home from work today. My mom and dad is also there to entertain the little one and back dH up. That eases my worry a little bit. He cried when I left for work today, usually he would just wave and blow me kisses. I had to leave quickly, not wanting to let him see the tears streaming down my face.

DH took little A to see his dr just to be safe. My dad when along with him because he says he wanted to make sure his grandson was ok. Auwww how sweet was that? As it turned out, the dr didn’t give little A anything, just asked us to monitor him for a couple of days since the fever is still new it was too soon to rule anything out. We are to make sure little A drinks a lot of milk and water and eat fruits for vitamin C. If the fever persist in next few days we need to take little A in to get his blood tested. Praying that little A will get well really soon and he is just teething and nothing more sinister. We took little A swimming last week and he enjoyed it so much and love putting his head underwater, I’m hoping the fever is not from an ear infection. Thankfully we have a long weekend coming. I can’t wait to be home with my baby.

TGIF – Have a good weekend my dears!

Love
N