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I’m waiting not quite patiently for the result of my 2nd beta. It’s 11:00am…. My first beta call came in at 10:30am… they are 30 minutes late… My heart is in my throat and I can hardly breathe… all my insides feels like it’s all in a huge knot and I want to throw up. I was much much much much more calmer waiting for my first beta on Tuesday…. I want to know already!


It was 2:00pm and they haven’t called. I’m going out of my mind and call DH to ask him to call the clinic. I was too scared to make the call myself. He tried to call a couple of time but wasn’t able to get through. He ended up calling a mobile number a lovely nurse gave us in case on emergency. The nurse told him that the result is in but the dr is not and they can’t give out the result before the dr has a chance to see it. They said they’ll call back at 3pm. The clock on my pc seems to be staying still…. Time seems to crawl, the agony. I just want to know!

DH just called. The clinic called him back and my beta doubled. The clinic won’t be doing a repeat beta, instead we need to set an appointment to see the dr in 2 ½ weeks. I wonder if I could wait that long? It would be different if I had a nice strong beta in the first place. I think the 2 box of HPT would come in handy for me to just check if everything is going along in the next 2 ½ weeks.

Praying for my miracle…


I had a good cry yesterday… it would be my last day being PUPO since I”ll know for sure today. I talked to my little embies.. telling them I loved them no matter what. They were my pride and joy and I’ve loved them since day one I knew they existed. I’ve tried my best and it has always been in Gods hands.

Went to the Dr today feeling on the edge. Didn’t talk much to DH on the way there. We were supposed to do the blood draw today and wait 2 hours for the result. If it was positive we were supposed to go back to clinic to get additional meds. I told DH that I wanted to get back to work after the blood draw. I still have enough meds to last me till tomorrow and if it was positive we can drop by the clinic tomorrow to get it refilled. The truth is I didn’t feel positive at all and I didn’t want to stay around to wait for the result. I wanted to get busy and distracted with work. I had planned to ask the clinic to call DH when the result came but I didn’t remember to ask…

At 9am I had my blood drawn by the nice lady… she didn’t get my veins on the first try and was very apologetic about it… I was back at work by 9:30… 10:30 I got the call… nurse L was on the line. She seems hesitant to speak… she told me my hcg was 48.8. they like the number to be above 90 I think, so it could be a late implantation or a chemical…they want me to come in in 2 days time to get another test to make sure it’s increasing as it should. The Doctor probably heard the conversation and took the phone, he told me what nurse L had missed to tell me was that I was pregnant. My numbers are a little on the low side but to not make any conclusion. Come to get a repeat blood test in 2 days and we will see from there. I am to continue my meds.

How do I feel? I’m happy that my embies are still in my tummy and trying to hold on. I’m afraid of the what ifs. I’m praying for the best; that my embies hold on really tight and decide to stay on the whole 9 months.

Please send some baby dust this way if you have some to spare…

I have to get this off my chest… I took a HPT yesterday morning (7dp3dt). It was a BFN. I know it is still early but I’ve read that people have gotten their BFP during this time. I’m still holding on to a thin shred hope at this moment. The feeling I got staring at the pee stick and stark white staring back at me is hard to describe but I know I won’t be testing till my OTD. I don’t want to feel like that until it’s for sure. So it’s safe to say, the 2 box of HPT in my drawer will stay there! (well at least till I crumble down and test anyway… I change my mind at the drop of a hat so who knows :} ) I didn’t tell DH obviously; but he has noticed that I’ve been googling a lot and have asked me to stop since all the information I was gathering was making me anxious… fat chance of that happening LOL..

I had dinner at my mom’s last night. All my sisters were there, my family knows about what we are going through… my brother even chipped in to pay for the cycle. They have always been encouraging and comforting. After a long talk with my mom and sister I feel like everything is ok again…all calm. I did snap at DH this morning when he caught me googling away LOL caught red handed..

A few more hours of work before we start the WEEKEND. Happy Father’s day weekend everyone. I’m praying that DH will be able to celebrate his next year ❤

I’m obsessing. I thought I wouldn’t but I am… so sue me.

No symptoms what-so-ever; at least nothing other than the ordinary. I’ve been on progesterone a few times to by now know my sore (.)(.) are all it’s doing and today that too is gone. I don’t feel very optimistic right now and I don’t like feeling like this. Bz days at work helps somewhat, but the problem being an IT gal is I’m always in front of my PC, and Mr Google lure is just too hard to resist. Help!!!! I want the calm I had at the start of my 2ww. Wonder where it has gone?

Praying for a miracle

I’m back at work. I must say I’m happy to be back.I welcome the distraction. I was getting tired of all the naps I’ve been taking. I’m very very sure I’ll miss them soon enough 😛 I’ve been having a lot of twinges near where I think my ovaries are. I’m sure they are slowly “growing?” back to their normal size. I’m trying to be good with my meds and taking them on time. The progesterone pills I’m taking are giving me an all-day migraine which I hate but anything for my would be babies right?

7 sleeps till test day…

We had our ET yesterday and the experience was beautiful. We had 2 beautiful embryos on board the mother ship J. We have 2- 8 cell embryos to freeze. The other 4 were not developing as it should. They were all 5 cells so they will be monitored to day 5. If they develop, we’ll have them freeze too. Since the ET procedure doesn’t hurt and I feel normal, it’s been really hard to just take it easy. The blood test is scheduled for 19th of June. I try not to think about it not working but at the same time I’ve found myself talking to my embryos in my tummy… This is the closes I’ve been to being pregnant. This is the first time that I know for sure that hubby and me have created something together and the feeling is wonderful. Hubby has been talking to our would be babies… He’s so cute!

I’ve  been on Progesterone vaginal suppository since the day of ER, 2 pills 3 times a day… I’m not a big fan. It’s really messy and I don’t even know if I’m doing it right. I’m also on Duphaston pills twice a day which is ok. The meds are not giving me any bad reaction other than bloating. But I’m not sure if this is from the ER though…

I’m not sure if I wish the days will fly by or not… I’m kinda afraid of the outcome. I really loving feeling like I do at this very moment. Hoping the feeling continues.

We had our egg retrieval yesterday. I checked into the ward at 7am feeling very sleepy. My sleep the night before wasn’t a good one. It was the nerves for sure. The nurse showed us to our room, a gorgeous hospital room I must say… we took some pictures and I got changed into my sexy surgical gown. They came in to get my vitals and ask the normal questions like when was my last meal, do I have any allergies… I watched a little TV while waiting.  My doctor came in for a quick visit to see how I was, and then the anaesthetics came to put my IV line in. She was a really nice lady. Made a lot of small talk to make me feel comfortable and ensure that I’ll be in good hands and not feel any pain. She told me I will not be on general anaesthetic but will be in sedation, I will be asleep but might wake up throughout the procedure, but will not feel any pain. I was a little scared of the fact that I might wake up during the procedure; I would rather be asleep throughout.

At 8am they wheeled me to the OT. The nurse from the clinic and dr H was there to say good luck which was really nice. Once I have the oxygen mask on and the antistatic was injected in my IV, I went right to sleep. I did wake up a few times throughout the procedure but felt only minimal pain and they will give me more drugs and I’ll drift back to sleep. Twice when I was awake I heard someone say “no eggs, no eggs” but I drift of back to sleep… At the end when I woke up I asked how many did we get and they say 9. So 9 is our magic number. I’m happy with it. I’m hoping they are all doing well. We will be doing a day-3 transfer… I didn’t feel any pain after the procedure, just sleepy. After I was discharged when I got home, the bloating got worst and it got hard to stand up straight. Dear Hubby took good care of me, getting me food and making sure I’m comfortable. I love that guy… I’m such a lucky girl.


Just as I was writing this, I got a call from the hospital. The nice nurse called to see how I was doing, if I was eating well. I asked if they knew how my embryos were doing and they passed me to the embryologists. They told me that we had 9 retrieved yesterday and all 9 were mature. 8 fertilised and 1 didn’t make it. They say we won’t know what will happen tomorrow but right this moment they are doing great. I’m so happy… Praying all my babies are growing well and dividing. Wish us luck.  Hoping more good news for the days to come.

Arm loads of baby dust to everyone who needs some. XOXO…