I wrote this a day before the actual birthday but didn’t quite made it to post.

17 November 2017

You are 2 today – A letter to my son on your 2nd Birthday

Mama’s dearest son, the light of my life, you are Two today! It feels like yesterday and at the same time I almost can’t remember my life without you in it. You are a smart boy who also always knows how to get your way. You are a charmer and it is very hard to say no to you. I wish I am able to spend more time with you like your mommy, but mama have to work. We love our weekends together don’t we? I promise to love you unconditionally, to cherish our time together and to always make time for you. You can always count on me.

If you are reading this and wonder what a 2 year old you was like, let Mama give you a glimpse.

• We love singing in Barney “I love you” song before bed. May favorite part is when you hug both me and your baba when we get to the “great big hug” then we will both kiss you at the same time and let you finish the song on your own and you will sing “won’t you say you love me toooooooo” My heart just melts

• We will sing “If you’re happy and you know it” in the lift in the morning. You get so upbeat and ready to go to your mommy’s school and us off to work

• You can be very polite with your thank yous and peeess. So you always get your way with us and of course papa and mummy

• You knew your numbers from 0-10 by sight by 15 months and your alphabets at 19 months

• You can throw a tantrum like a pro. Lately you have been throwing yourself on the floor if you don’t get what you want. Mama not too happy with that.

• You start to talk a little bit. Most still babbles but sometimes you surprise us with words you use. You like to say “Amazing” and “delicious” when you see something that excites you.

• We would make videos together about colors, shapes and alphabets (look it up ok. Mama have uploaded them in the clouds J)

• You love your bear. You take him with us when we go on vacation

• You weigh 14kg. We still carry you at times since you don’t sit still and like to be independent and we worry you would get lost or get into trouble. You don’t have a problem with your car seat or your stroller anymore and help mama put the buckles on.

• Every time we ask you if you want a baby brother or sister you will say ‘NO!’ and jump in between us – so don’t blame us if you are an only child! LOL (Thank God you have your Shisha to always look out for you)

My son, know that mama loves you so much. You are the bright and shiny star that Allah has generously granted me and your dad… the best gift…the most precious. Be good. Be kind. Be awesome my son. Pray for us. Keep Allah close to your heart.

Happy 2nd Birthday little Bear. Mama loves you.


There has been big news on the TTC front circulating in our local media these past few days. Malaysian darling Dato Siti Norhaliza is pregnant after 11 years of trying. When I heard the news, I cried a little. She was my age when I was pregnant with little A after 13 years of trying. I was over the moon happy for her. I pray for a safe pregnancy and a healthy “take home” baby for her as well as for all the others that has travelled this road with us. I’m very proud of all of us that are open with the fact that we needed help trying to conceive. I hope with her openness to discuss fertility treatments will open the eyes of the public on our plight. It should not be a taboo subject to discuss. We should not suffer alone or feel embarrassed that we needed medical help to realise our dream of becoming parents. More than anything I pray that fertility treatments will be made more affordable and assessable to all that needs it. Those who have had treatments, me included knows how expensive these treatments are and sadly one attempt is usually not enough. It is a blessing that with Tengku Azizah Fertility Foundation (TAFF) the lower income earners are able to get funding to be able to go through IVF and be able to hope with all hopes to get a shot of having a child of their own. Even for us middle class income earners, the numbers just adds up and there are rarely funding for this group. I hope that we could fight to allow EPF withdrawal for IVF treatments. This will help tremendously. More funding means more people will seek treatments, this will also encourage more doctors, more research and ultimately more expertise in this branch of medicine. May Allah ease our journey and our efforts.

There has been so many happy developments in the world of fertility. I pray for all that are still on this roller-coaster ride. I hope your end is in sight and you will be holding your bundle of joy in your arms soon.

Thinking of Dr Adilah who made my dream of being a mom come true.

Lots of love

Just ONE more month before the big 2. Wow little A has gotten so big (tears). My little bitty baby boy is almost 2. He is a ball of energy. Put him down and he runs. He does look back to see if we (reads the old folks) are running after him. I sometimes wonder why I’m not skinny yet with all the running LOL. Little A is getting smarter by the second. He knows his ABC by sight both upper and lower case and can count and recognise numbers 0-10. His favourite word for now is “Amazing” and I just love the way he says it with his facial expression and all. On the talking front, he still babbles a lot. He seems to know words but does not know how to use them or listen to instruction well. It’s hard since little A is our first, we don’t have a benchmark on what is the “norm” at this age. How active is too active? How many word should he already know? Should he be talking in sentences by now? There are times when I worry and want to get him assessed by professionals and the family think I’m overreacting, so I’ve been consulting with the ole trusty Dr Google and reading blogs but I’ve found that the difference in development for kids this age is vast! It’s hard not to worry.  We as parents wants the best for our children. I hope I’m making the right decisions for little A. Sometimes I worry he is not communicating enough but then just this morning he came to me and said “oh on, sorry mama” and I asked him “what happened sayang?” He said nothing…. Only to find out he pooped his diaper LOL.

Next update will be his 2nd birthday insyaAllah. Till then…

Things has calm down a bit after the initial festivities. Celebrating Eid with little A the second time has been fulfilling. Not a dull moment at sight! Little A is a big boy now. A toddler that loves action. Jumping, running he hardly slows down. We taught him to sake people’s hands but he is very choosy with whom, but he would give everyone a high five instead :D. Our hari raya travels are as always, the last day of Ramadhan was spent at my grandma’s home in Negeri Sembilan, and we would travel back to my husband’s home in Ipoh in the evening of first day of Hari Raya. It’s always great to be with family and friends, most we have not seen since the last Eid!

Little A is happy to be amongst other kids, he got kicked and shoved a couple of times which caught him by surprise but he was a little trooper about it, his mom (reads me) not so much. I’m trying so hard not to be the helicopter parent but shoving and kicking is just not ok with me. I’m concern that little A might pick up the same. We try to teach our kids to play nice and share, but we cannot overlook the fact that kids learn a lot from other kids. I think I will be one of the moms that will always worry about son/child/children circle of friends (well don’t all moms?)

Little A is 20 months old! He has gotten so big! Both my hubby and I are rather tall people (for Asians at least) so little A takes after us. He doesn’t walk. Come to think of it ever since he “got his legs” he is running everywhere. We are contemplating getting one of those child harness so I could keep him at arm’s length so he won’t get lost in crowds. We babywear a lot still and he does ride in his stroller but I do like to allow him to walk on his own. The problem is he is not afraid of people so when I put him down he would run around not wanting to hold on to mama’s hand. So I think a harness is best. In this day and age safety is key.

Little A doesn’t talk a lot. He still babbles quite a bit. We love to sing together. He surprised me the other day, I brought him cookies with numbers on them. This is the first time we had them. I took a cookie out and before giving it to him I asked “Little A, what number is this” and he said “five”. I was shocked. I mean I’ve taught him his 1,2,3 but I didn’t think he would recognise the number ‘5’. I thought it was a fluke so I took another cookie out and it was a “3” and asked again, and he answered correctly again. I know there are babies that could read at 2 but I was still surprised that he knew his numbers. The next one was “1” but on the cookie it was just a straight line and looked like “I” and little A said it was the letter “i”. I guess a 20 month old child knows quite a lot LOL! His grandma didn’t believe the stories I told about little A knowing his alphabets and numbers until a couple of days ago she say she had Little A on her lap and he was reading the letters on her t-shirt “P A G K O R” and she was shocked! (he doesn’t know his ‘N’ and ‘M’ since when we sing the Alphabet song the “L M N” part goes fast and when we get to the part he would shake his head and say “ wa wa wa O P” LOL). He also knows some shapes and colors. His favourite one is Hearts and curcle (circle) 😍

He is growing up so fast. When I’m at work it takes a lot to not miss him and think about what he is doing. I’m glad he is with mom but he is getting more demanding since he now knows what he wants and poor mom is at his beck and call. We are seriously considering sending him to a playschool with day care next year. I am anxious about it but I hope I will make the right decision for my son. A working mother’s guilt continues…

I hope all is well at your end.


Little A has a binky (his trusted pacifier). My hubby and I was in a dilemma at the beginning deciding whether to start little A on the pacifier. I did a lot of reading and there are studies that says pacifier’s reduces chances of sudden infant death, and with little A frequent reflux when he was a baby, the pacifier given right after his feeds seems to reduce the reflux, so we kept at it. Now 1 year and almost 6 months later I am searching frantically online on how to make little A give up his good ole friend. My mom wasn’t really worried about the use of the binky, he is still a baby she says and it does help to calm him down for naps, since mom takes care of little A when I’m at work; as much as I want little A to be off his binky, easing my mom’s day to day with little A was more important at this point of time. I’ve read that the pacifier will not harm the teeth till later years of persistence use so we had a little time still.

This takes us to Saturday 13th May 2017. I was in bed with little A playing tickle. We just got home after a week’s holiday in Australia. Tired from lugging the luggage back to the house, we (read I) needed a nap. The usual nap time routine – little A had his bottle and his trusty binky in his mouth. I spoke softly to little A, I said “you are such a big boy now, big boys don’t need your binky anymore” , little A laughed and we played around some more. Suddenly out of nowhere little A took his binky out of his mouth and threw it on the floor at the same time sobbing. I asked what was wrong and picked up the binky and handed it back to him. He shake his head no but continues sobbing. I held little A close to my chest and told him, I knew it was hard, but if he is ready I will help him get through this. He fell asleep sobbing in my arms – without his binky. Shocked in an understatement. I don’t know how much little A understood. He’s a baby surely he didn’t understand what I said right?

I told hubby about the incident after our nap (a very short nap since someone didn’t have his binky in his mouth), and my husband’s reaction was, he picked up the binky from the bed and put the handle part in his mouth and offered the other end to little A (they do this often together). I got So angry at hubs! Here was little A trying with all his might to stop and his daddy is parading the binky right in his face. I was so upset. Thankfully little A didn’t take the bait and little A was binky free throughout the night. The next day we were getting ready to go out to celebrate mother’s day, hubby decided to put little A in coverall. It almost didn’t fit anymore and little A looked like a baby in it compared to the usual shorts and t-shirt we usually dress him in. Suddenly I realised, little A was ready to let go and be a big boy, HIS DAD WASN’T ready to let go just yet. He wanted his baby. In the excitement and effort to help my son go through this process I didn’t stop to think what this represents to his dad and me. Our son is growing up too fast. He is so different than the little helpless baby we brought home from the hospital 1year and 6months ago. He’s smart, determine and strong and has a mind of his own. My hubby needed a little time to process that. I need time to let this sink in…………

Binky free since 13th May 2017 – Mama is so proud of you little A.

It feels soooo long since I last updated this blog. I’m embarrass at how lazy I’ve been! Our Little A is 17 month and 2 weeks old. Was shopping for a swimming suite for him the other day and bought one for age 3 and it fits him with only a small room to grow!!! He’s getting so big! We are taking the opportunity to travel a bit since Little A could still be a lap baby on flights. We took Little A to Tokyo. My mom wanted to go see cherry blossoms, so we tagged along and had a wonderful time. Little A got to spend time in the parks chasing birds, we went to the zoo to see pandas, gorillas and the polar bear, Little A loved all the bears. We even took him to the mountains to experience snow.

He had a cold and the weather in Tokyo was cold but he was a trooper! I’m trying to forget what felt like an hour of screaming in the plane as the plane descended. Nothing could calm him down. I think it must have been the flu and how the ear aches as the pressure in the plane shifted. It was probably just 15 minutes at most but it felt like ages. There were stares, most sympathetic but I’m sure there were some annoyed at the wracked. I felt so sorry for my little boy to have put him through that. When we landed we let Little A run around a bit which he loved and of course needed after a 7 hours flight. The trip back home was better, thank god! We are attempting another 7 hours flight later this week this time to Australia. We’ll be on the red eye so I’m hoping he will sleep the whole way through. Wish us luck!

This pass few days we have been having trouble giving Little A his formula. He simply refuse them and when he does drink it would be a couple of ounces. If this continues we will have to look into giving him more cheese and yogurt as a substitute.

I’m leaving you with a rare picture of Little A 😄

Hope all is well at your end..


Feeling melancholy today. First day at work after a week off with little A. I wish it was for fun and play but the reason for the long break was because little A had the Hand Foot and Mouth disease aka HFMD. His cousin had HFMD during the CNY break and we were very careful making sure they stayed out of each other’s way until he was well. We disinfect their toys etc. We thought little A was all clear since it has been almost a month but I guess we weren’t that lucky. I doubt little A caught it from his cousin though. Dr says there had been many cases recently.

Little A had a rash around his mouth. The night before I gave him some of my husband nasi goreng before tasting it first. The fried rice had belacan in it so we both thought that that was the trigger for what seems to be an allergy reaction. We brought him to his Dr and the dr thought the same. He gave little A some cream and flu meds and sent us on our way. Since it was just an allergy reaction, I decided to not use the dr’s cream but instead applied coconut oil instead. A day after the dr’s visit, little a had a high fever reaching 39.5. I stayed home to make sure he had his meds and to keep the fever at bay. The red around his mouth has subsided but I noticed a blister on the side of little A’s mouth. Looking closer I saw a red spot on his feet. I kinda knew then that it was HFMD but since little A was active playing and eating ok I didn’t worry. The next day little A started drooling excessively. His shirt was drenched and he didn’t want his milk, only water. More blisters has formed around his mouth hands we brought him to see the dr for confirmation and advice. The dr looked in his mouth and told us it was great that little A was still eating and drinking still because ulcers had formed all over his mouth! No meds really for HFMD, just calamine on the blisters and oral aid to numb the mouth a bit if it gets too painful to swallow, I gave little A ibuprofen for the fever which also helps with the pain. He refused to drink his milk but drank water and juice. I allowed him to have ice cream since it sooths his throat. The next couple of days was just to make sure he is comfortable and making sure he was hydrated and happy and had lots and lots of cuddles. Every day I would wake up to new spots on his face and body. It was pretty bad! He even had blisters on his private area! I would cry silently when I look at him but little A was a trooper all the while.

It took a good 5 days for little A to be almost himself again. The blisters started to dry out. There were big ones on his knee, feet and hands that needed to dry out before we would let him make his appearance in the world again though. We need to be sure he is ok and not spreading the virus to others.
From the ordeal, I got to spend a lot of time with my son. I got to just forget about work, meeting people or going out. In the day it was just the two of us (most of the time in our panamas) having fun playing, singing, cuddling and making a mess. Oh what a life!

Take care peeps, stay healthy!



Little A and mama caught the new year bug 😦 Little A was down with high fever of 39.4 C since new year’s day. The high temp got me really worried. We know from experience not to head to the Dr straight away, so this time we managed the fever making sure little A is comfortable and when the fever is high we gave him some over the counter meds to keep the fever in check. On the 3rd day, I thought it was time to see the dr. This time we went to our normal GP. She was great and did a thorough check up on little A. His throat was red she says but it was great that he is eating and drinking as usual. I was sick as well so she saw me too. Both of us had sore throat; me with a cold and flu but little A didn’t. She gave little A antibiotics and said if the fever doesn’t come down still to go straight to the hospital. The very next day after a night of high temp I felt uneasy and we took little A to the hospital to see his peeds. Little A needed a blood test and a nose swab to rule out dengue and influenza. The poor little dear had to get his blood tested. I made little A’s daddy go in with him, I was a scaredy-cat. I couldn’t bear to see little A being probe. When I heard little A crying, I cried silently outside wishing I could take the pain away. Result came in – neg for dengue and neg for influenza. Alhamdulillah. We are to take little A back to redo his blood works if the fever doesn’t go down after 2 days.

On little A:
Little A is so cute when he “talks” he can say fish (more like”ish”) and his roar like a lion, hiss like the snake and bark like the dog hehehe those are his favourite sounds for now I guess.

Happy new year Peeps! Hoping, wishing, praying that 2017 will be kind to all of us.




Fever is down, but rashes has developed. We are thinking measles. just called the doctor and he says it’s probably Roseola, but if we want to know for sure to take little A in. DH will get off work and take little A to see the Dr today.

Updatate #2:

Been to see the Dr and confirmed Roseola.Just calamine lotion and keep him comfy. I’m off work tomorrow to give little A lots of cuddle time. Doakan Little A cepat sembuh ye.

Merry Christmas, can’t believe we are at the end of the year already. In a couple of days we will meet 2017! I’m loving the long weekends we’ve been having. I think a 4 days a week for work is the way to go. If I become PM I’d make that compulsory LOL

We’ve been having some separation issues. By we, I mean me and little A. The usual routine on work days would be, little a and dH would drop me off and dH would drive little A to mummy’s and we’ll pick up little A together at around 6.30pm. These past few months the dropping me off has been tough. Before I leave the car I’ll tell him, “mama is going work and will be back at 6.30, you have fun with mummy ok, learn new things 🙂 take care of mummy for me”. I’m not sure he understands though; maybe he does? He would wave and blow me kisses and I’d do the same, then he would cry and cry as the car pulls away. Of course seeing this I would cry too. Dh tell’s me that little A would cry himself to sleep until they reach mummy’s house. It breaks my heart. I don’t know how to make it better. He loves going to mummy’s. He has his cousins there and he loves playing with them. It’s the – me leaving part I guess. Lately little A has been really clingy. I love it because I get to be close to him for cuddles and play. I get little done around the house, but that’s ok too. We just won’t have people over for the next year or two haha… the down side is, when I have to go way to work, or to shower little A would cry buckets. I hope we can start dealing with the separation anxiety; both at his end and mine. Anyone have a remedy on how we can cope better? Advice is welcome.



I’ve written about her a few times. Our baby bear, my daughter who is my niece. I don’t like it when people call her my niece or if she introduces me as her aunt because our relationship is more than that. What do you call someone who teaches you how to be a mother? What do you call someone that makes you feel unconditional love, and the desire to always want to care for and protect and give your maternal instinct an outlet? A daughter, she is my daughter.

After 2 years of marriage, me and dH was ready to start a family. My elder sister has a son who was 3 and was ready to have another. We thought wouldn’t it be fun if we were to get pregnant at the same time! To experience the journey with my big sister would have been awesome. Well, we all know now, it didn’t happen for us. My sister on the other hand had a little girl. dH and I took to her straight away. We fell in love with her coos and her cute button nose. Since my sister and I were living with my parents, we got to see each other every single day. We would carry and cuddle her every chance we got and babysit if her parents needed to go out. We would play with her and her brother. When she was fussy and crying, dH and I could always calm her down.

I think it was when she was almost 2 when her mom was pregnant with her little brother that she started to love sleeping with us at night. Well then again I was the famous aunt, both of the kids loved playing and having sleepovers ; P Since she was no longer breastfeeding we could take her out with us. We even took her on a holiday out of town just the 3 of us (or at least till the next morning when my sister and parents decided to show up LOL). I guess we had our share of dirty diapers, nursing a sick child, throw up all over the sheets in the middle of the night, disciplining and easing tantrums as well as millions of hugs and kisses. I guess that is why in a way dH and I were never too lonely, I was Mama Bear and dH was Papa Bear and we had our Baby Bear. We were a family.

When we moved to our own place, we got baby bear on weekends. I cherished those moments. We would go out shopping or watch musicals, bake cookies and cakes, rush and finish homework or just lay in the bed and cuddle. When I got pregnant with little A aka Little Bear, many people tells me that once I have him, my relationship with her would change. I told them they were crazy, they didn’t know the bond I have with her so how could they judge? Now a year on, have the relationship changed? I hope not. I know the love I have for her has not changed one bit. The family dynamics has changed. Baby Bear loves her little brother very much and is aware that he needs me. Baby bear is now 12 and has her own thing going on with friends and school and puberty. This last 6 months I get to see her lesser and lesser since her parents has moved. Sleep over is becoming rarer as she has piano lessons and friends sleep over on weekends. I miss her. I know she has to grow up, but she is and always will be our Baby Bear. When she came by a couple of weeks ago, I did her facial, it was hurried as is my life right now, but when I looked at her face, I can’t help but stare. There was that telltale knot in my throat, I teared up. She has grown up. She is no longer the cute baby with button nose that I held in my lap, she is now a beautiful young lady.

I remembered a time, when I was worried about the future, who will take care of me when I’m old and grey? Sha do you remember your promise? (Her answer to the question was “of course Sha lah jaga mama” I will take care of you) Now we have you and little A to look out for me and Papa Bear when we old and grey. Alhamdulillah. We are so blessed.

I know our lives will change as you grow older my love, but one thing that will stay constant is our love for you. I hope it is the same at your end too. Goodnight Baby Bear, Goodnight Papa Bear, Goodnight Little Bear. Mama Bear loves you