I have a 10 month old….yikes!

Little A is 10 month old! Wow how time flies. He is a little man now, such a charmer, smart and funny. Every time is playing on his own he would look up at me and crawl to me to give me a kiss and continues playing. Melts my heart! He is very active and at this age has no concept of fear. We have to keep a watchful eye on him at all times or he’ll dive off head first from the bed/chair/mat etc,etc,etc! My dad has been teaching him how to climb down from the bed, leg first, but he is still in training for that one. He is not too keen on trying to walk just yet. He likes to stand and cruise along the furniture but once you try to make him take a step he’ll just sit on down. He has 2 teeth coming out and when he grin real big you can see them. Too cute says his mom LOL

When little A was a little younger (say a month ago or two ago :D) he love to repeat baba baba or papa papa, it kinda sounds like baba at times and papa at time so my dad whom everyone including his grandchildren calls Papa thinks little A is calling out to him and he is super proud of it, and my DH on the other hand who is little A’s Baba thinks the kid is calling out to him also making him very smirky… And this poor lady who carried him for 37 weeks and 3 days and gave birth to the little guy can only get a decent Mama when he is irritated and crying!!! Sigh Now at 10 month when he says Baba,Mama,Papa,Bear he knows what they mean. We haven’t got a decent mummy yet (his grandma who takes care of him when I’m at work)

We took little A on his first plane ride at 2 days shy of 10 month. We went to Perth Australia a 5 hour flight from KL. I was nervous for sure. I didn’t know what to expect. 5 hours being confined for someone who is so active would could mean 5 hours of screaming and tears but little A did wonderfully well. I’m so proud of him. He seems to be able to adapt well with the different settings and weather. Maybe we could venture off to somewhere further next.

10 months… 2 more and he’ll be 1. Where did the time go?

30th July 2016

I was getting ready to go to an event celebrating miracle babies at the hospital where we did the IUI that resulted in our own little miracle. We were excited to take little A to see Dr A. So as usual we woke up bright and early. Little A was very cooperative and there were a lot of smiles and giggles all around. I gave little A his bath and got him ready and brushed his non existing hair😀. I needed to go to the toilet to wash my hands and put lip stick on and hubby was getting ready in the room, trying to pick out a shirt that would match little A. I told hubby to look after little A for a bit and off I went to the toilet. The door wasn’t even closed and I heard a thump and little A screaming. I rushed to see what was happening and my son was on the floor crying. He fell off the bed. My body shook as I scoop him into my arms. He was crying, I was crying. I am in tears as I type this even after almost 2 weeks since the incident. Apparently hubby had taken a pillow to barricade little A and rushed out to get his shirt. HE LEFT THE ROOM! I consoled little A. He cried for a bit then he was ok again. I looked for bruises and bumps but there were none. I called the hospital and talked to his pediatrician and he asked me to monitor little A and look for signs for the next 24 hours and if he was throwing up to bring him in. Little A was a little shaken but it didn’t take him long to start playing and being his happy self again. I felt so guilty. I still feel guilty. I hope we learn our lesson as parents. We can’t leave the baby alone not even for a second unless he is in a secure area and he cannot hurt himself. We lower his cot that very day. No more leaving little A on the bed. If needed he has to be in his cot. He doesn’t like it much in there, but as long as he is safe while mama needs to go pee or something, then I’ll just need to let him stay in there.

At 8 months, Little A is very mobile now. He crawls really fast and he likes to stand. I am excited with his new development but I’m awfully scared that he might hurt himself. I’m so shaken but I know I cannot be a mom that keeps my baby in a bubble. I contemplated on if we should tell my parents since I didn’t want to freak them out. Once I knew everything was ok with little A, I called mom to tell her what happened. Mom was sympathetic, I guess she knows how bad I was feeling anyway and didn’t want to pour salt to the wound. She told me stories how we fell quite a bit when me and my siblings were babies too and we turned out ok. I came to know later on that dad was mad at me for not being careful enough. I don’t blame him for being mad. I’m very mad at myself too.

Oh, later that day little A seemed to be his ole self again so we went to my cousin’s aqiqah for her new baby. Mom and dad were there too. There we met my cousin’s sister in law who was a pediatrician (just our luck!) We told her what happened and she was kind enough to give little A a once over. All seems fine. Little A is his active self. No signs that the fall hurt him in anyway Alhamdulillah.

For those who are wondering if I got mad at DH for leaving the room, I was really really really mad but I didn’t want to make an issue out of it. I know he feels bad but wanted to remain calm as I was already stressing and crying. We can’t both fall to pieces right?

I thought being a mom of a new born baby was hard, this is even harder. Since little A is more mobile I’m afraid that he would fall and hurt himself. I guess this is life from now on out. I will constantly be worried about my baby…. can you imagine how much I would worry once he becomes a teenager???? I aged a year just thinking about it 😰

I’m excited to celebrate Eid this year. Last year we decided to stay in KL just the two of us with little A in mama’s belly. This raya will be extra special as it is little A’s very first Hari Raya. We plan to go visiting families we miss last year and taking little A to visit with family’s that hasn’t had the chance to meet him.

This Hari Raya is quite different then the pass. Celebrating the holiday with a little one is definitely different. The packing is an ordeal, not so much that little A needs a lot of things, it’s more that DH is one of those people that needed to make sure we have everything covered. Which means there is a backup for our backup! DH had to take 3 trips down to the car to get our stuff loaded – LOL. Little A was basking on all the attention he got. He enjoyed people so much. More so when he was the center of attention. So unlike his mama😀 . Of course we had to schedule the visiting around his nap time and he did get fussy when it’s hot out. He had a little issue with sleeping when we were at my grandma’s place but other than that it was a memorable and meaningful first Hari Raya for little A and us of course.

I hope it’s not too late to wish my dear readers Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir Batin and Eid Mubarak.

This post is a little late. I wrote it at the beginning of Ramadhan and we are now almost at the end already. I wonder why I forgot to post, the years must be catching on I guess LOL…

Alhamdulillah, we have arrived to another Ramadhan. Last year I wasn’t able to fast being pregnant with baby A and on medication for my high blood pressure. This year, Alhamdulillah I get to experience fasting with all other Muslims around the world. I pray that our ibadah is accepted by Allah. This is my favorite month really, I enjoy fasting, and the people’s giving sprit during these times. People seems kinder to one another. I don’t know may be I’m looking at the world with a filtered glass, when that’s not the case and people are angrier around this time nursing hungry tummies😀

We wake up for sahur at 4.40am, and usually it’s leftover from dinner or just some dates, water and meds. little A likes to get up and join us for sahur as well, so we would change his diaper, give him his milk and then after Subuh prayers, the 3 of us will cuddle in bed until it’s time to get ready for work. Baby A usually will drift back to lala land.

Little A is 7 months old. He’s a big boy now, every day there will be new things he has learned. The other day, I sang to him the Brian Adams song, you know the one that goes “You know it’s true, everything I do, I do it for you”? Little A was sitting on his high chair and I sang a few verses to him and little A just looked at me, like he understood what I was saying. At the end of the song he put his hands on my face and pull me close and gave me the best sloppiest kiss ever. He’s a romantic little guy LOL!!!

Our work hours during the fasting is a little different. We start an hour early and get to go back home at 4.30. It’s usually 5pm by the time I get home but that’s alright as I get more waking hours with the little guy.
I’m starting to have dreams of having another baby. Little A is in the phase where he likes to suck on his toes eikkk and you know the old people says when a baby does that it means he wants a baby brother/sister. My Ob says we can start trying after raya, I don’t know… maybe we can start trying again on our own and see how it goes… yea there’s that ticking clock…. Tik tok tik tok

Wishing all of you a happy and blessed Ramadhan.

Love

N

Little A has the flu. It’s making it hard for him to breathe. He is feeling miserable and the stuffy nose keeps him awake at night that poor dear. This is his second flu this month! We are doing the saline nasal spray and I TRY to suck the mucous out with the nose bulb thingy but he put up such a great fight that I am afraid I might hurt him. He hates that nose sucker! And I must say I hate doing them too. I got myself one of those everyday essential oil (eo) set when I was pregnant. I wanted the Lavender as I read online there is a study showing that smelling Lavender helps manage the pain after surgery. I got it to help with the pain of my c-sect. I’m not so sure about the pain management part, but it did help me sleep really well when I was pregnant. Since I already have the stuff at home I read up on how it could help baby with the flu. Apparently not all essential oil are safe for babies, especially for babies less than 6 months old. After some reading and asking friends who uses the eo, I tried using some on little A. The oil had to be heavily diluted. I’m hoping it will help. I put some lavender on myself and when I hold little A he could breathe in some of the lavender. He slept quite ok last night. He did wake up a few times but he went right back to sleep unlike the previous night when he woke up crying at the top of his lungs. I will keep an eye on the flu. If it gets worst, maybe a trip to the Dr will be best.

I’m praying that Little A gets better soon. It breaks my heart that I’m not with him. I’m at work now but my heart and head is thinking of the little guy. I’m so lucky that he is with mom. I know he is loved and is in good hands. Please send a prayer our way.

Update:
We took Little A to a clinic close to home. The Dr there is well known for “helping” babies/toddler to get mucus and flam out, since the little ones cannot do it by themselves. The clinic is very popular amongst parents of little ones the que to see the dr was a longggggg one. The nebulize and suction process had little A screaming and me in tears, but after the ordeal, little A breathe better and the flu is all gone. Alhamdulillah.

Baby A is 6 months today! Alhamdulillah. Wow time just moves so fast. I can’t comprehend that we have a 6 months old and he is ours. He is rolling over and scooting all over the place. Not yet crawling though, but can get places scooting on his tummy. He loves to eat. Teeth has not broken through just yet but he is drooling quite a bit and biting at everything. He loves his jumparoo and loves to play tickle. His laughter makes my day.

We took him to LEGOLAND last week for Star Wars week (more for big A than little A 😝 ) The long car ride down to Johor was not that fun for him = not much fun for mama too. He’s outgrowing his doona carseat/stroller thingy really fast. I don’t think it will last us a year. He has no problem with hotel rooms and enjoyed the stroll in the theme park when the weather was cooperating. I think he senses that we are on a holiday. He stayed up late wanting to play.

He had his 6 months shots last week and he weighs a whole 9kg – we got ourselves a cubby baby 😍 The dr said this one hurts so prepare to sooth him when he cries. That got me nervous for a bit, but little A got a little angry at the dr after the shot and pretty much was ok afterwards. Such a champ.

We’ve been giving him a pacifier to help him sleep. I think it’s about time to get rid of his binkie but I have some anxiety about it. I’m not worried about his nite2 sleep, just worried about his nap time with grandma. He is bad at napping as it is and I don’t want to stress my mother out with a fussy baby. We will see how it goes. May be we will quit using mr binkie at night and if we are lucky he would drop it in the day time as well. Wish us luck!

It has been 3 weeks since my entry on losing weight and I’m embarrassed to say I have not kept with it. I have lost a couple of grams, may be a kg, but that is due to fasting (pusas ganti). There has been a couple of big eats this weekend – a buffet Chinese dinner with mom, dad and big bro then another last night to celebrate my BIL birthday. All good excuses to eat😛

My husband’s uncle passed away on Friday. We were quite close. He’s my Hubby’s mom’s brother. Since I never met hubby’s mom, he was the closest link to her side of the family. He passed quite young at 60 of a liver cancer. They found out in April. Before that he was quite well, working and all like usual. We went to visit him a couple of times since and he seems cheerful and other than a little swollen and jaundiced he seems like his old self. He passed a month after being diagnosed which was a shock to us. It seems too soon. I’m glad that he did not have to suffer long due to the cancer. My heart breaks for the family. He will be missed. Al-Fatihah

He had 8 children. All grown up. The youngest is 17. He and his wife were looking forward to retirement this year. They had worked hard to raise the family. They had plans for their retirement together, finally having time to travel and do stuff together and splurge on a new car, but that day never came. It puts thing in to perspective for me. Life is short… Life is short. At the end of the day I need to know that a big chunk of my time and energy goes to my family, for hugs and cuddles and to watch my child grow and to experience new things together instead of the hours upon hours laboring at work. I need to find the balance. I will work on that. At the end of the day I need to know that I’ve tried my best to raise my family. That’s the most important thing to me.

Hold your love ones a little tighter today and let them know how much they mean to you.

Love

N

And I forgot I was supposed to start my diet today LOL. I remembered right after lunch so I skipped my usual ice cream cone. That’s progress right? (Face in Palm)

The truth is after giving birth I was surprise at how “flat-ish” my tummy was. Of course there were flabs but it was much flatter than before pregnancy. I was happy, everyone told me I looked good and it looked like I lost quite a bit of weight. I did. I lost all of my pregnancy weight as well as an additional 5-6 kg. I was recovering from the c-section and breastfeeding the little one. I had no sleep. All these contributed to the weight loss.

Fast forward to today. I’m back at work for 2 months now. Baby A sleeps through the night and my body is used to the daily grind. I’ve also became a fan of mc Donalds ice cream cone. Sigh….. I’m afraid to look at the scale. When I look at the mirror (when I have the time to look) I can see my cheeks getting chubbier. Dresses feels snugger. Sigh…. If only I could just maintain the weight during confinement, I’d be happy. Now I’d probably have to start all over again to lose all that I’ve already lost <- – – does this make sense?? Sigh…. Double sigh…

So… what’s my game plan? I really don’t know how to start. I don’t have time to cook. I do have time to puree fruits and veg for the little guy but that’s the limit of my cooking these days😀 I’ve been looking at diet options. The best for me right now is low carb diet since I think for me personally carb is my enemy no 1. But it’s quite difficult with our diet based on rice and noodles and bread and potatoes and pasta… yummm pasta… sighhh!!!

My plan is to eliminate rice for now and eat more protein (I’ve tried this and failed a couple of hundred times but not this time – fingers crossed). I’ve seen friends go through low carb diet and lose quite a bit of weight and actually help with their blood sugar level. I just need to be healthier. It’s no longer because I want to look good but I want to be healthier for my son. I want him to have a mom that run around with him. I want him to have his mom period.

When do I start? The procrastinator in me says Monday😛

One year today I heard the most amazing thing in the world. Your heart beating, my son. I remember it like it was yesterday, the fear I felt before the scan and the relief and joy I felt with happy tears rolling down my face when Dr A said she could already see you and let us hear the sound of your heart beating. Today you are a healthy, happy and smart little boy and the love of both mama and baba’s life. You are a gift and everyday I’m thankful. I hope both me and your father will be good parents and a good example to you insya Allah.

It might be strange that this day stands out like a neon sign for me. Most parents would probably remember their first positive pregnancy test instead, but I have been pregnant before; twice before but I never got to see the blinking dot on the ultrasound screen or the galloping sound of the heartbeat. None except for this lucky no 3. That is why this day is so important to me. Exactly one year ago I was able to hope again.
Today I pray for Dr A and all the other fertility specialist who with Allah’s will continue to help people like us. May Allah protect and bless them and their family so that they are able to continue doing good for the world of infertility. May Allah guide their mind, hands and hearts to do what’s best for us all.

For all that reads my blog and are still on this journey, may Allah protect your heart and give you hope and strength to weather this difficult time. May He grant you with your beautiful, healthy babies soon. Insya Allah. Amin.