Things has calm down a bit after the initial festivities. Celebrating Eid with little A the second time has been fulfilling. Not a dull moment at sight! Little A is a big boy now. A toddler that loves action. Jumping, running he hardly slows down. We taught him to sake people’s hands but he is very choosy with whom, but he would give everyone a high five instead :D. Our hari raya travels are as always, the last day of Ramadhan was spent at my grandma’s home in Negeri Sembilan, and we would travel back to my husband’s home in Ipoh in the evening of first day of Hari Raya. It’s always great to be with family and friends, most we have not seen since the last Eid!

Little A is happy to be amongst other kids, he got kicked and shoved a couple of times which caught him by surprise but he was a little trooper about it, his mom (reads me) not so much. I’m trying so hard not to be the helicopter parent but shoving and kicking is just not ok with me. I’m concern that little A might pick up the same. We try to teach our kids to play nice and share, but we cannot overlook the fact that kids learn a lot from other kids. I think I will be one of the moms that will always worry about son/child/children circle of friends (well don’t all moms?)

Little A is 20 months old! He has gotten so big! Both my hubby and I are rather tall people (for Asians at least) so little A takes after us. He doesn’t walk. Come to think of it ever since he “got his legs” he is running everywhere. We are contemplating getting one of those child harness so I could keep him at arm’s length so he won’t get lost in crowds. We babywear a lot still and he does ride in his stroller but I do like to allow him to walk on his own. The problem is he is not afraid of people so when I put him down he would run around not wanting to hold on to mama’s hand. So I think a harness is best. In this day and age safety is key.

Little A doesn’t talk a lot. He still babbles quite a bit. We love to sing together. He surprised me the other day, I brought him cookies with numbers on them. This is the first time we had them. I took a cookie out and before giving it to him I asked “Little A, what number is this” and he said “five”. I was shocked. I mean I’ve taught him his 1,2,3 but I didn’t think he would recognise the number ‘5’. I thought it was a fluke so I took another cookie out and it was a “3” and asked again, and he answered correctly again. I know there are babies that could read at 2 but I was still surprised that he knew his numbers. The next one was “1” but on the cookie it was just a straight line and looked like “I” and little A said it was the letter “i”. I guess a 20 month old child knows quite a lot LOL! His grandma didn’t believe the stories I told about little A knowing his alphabets and numbers until a couple of days ago she say she had Little A on her lap and he was reading the letters on her t-shirt “P A G K O R” and she was shocked! (he doesn’t know his ‘N’ and ‘M’ since when we sing the Alphabet song the “L M N” part goes fast and when we get to the part he would shake his head and say “ wa wa wa O P” LOL). He also knows some shapes and colors. His favourite one is Hearts and curcle (circle) 😍

He is growing up so fast. When I’m at work it takes a lot to not miss him and think about what he is doing. I’m glad he is with mom but he is getting more demanding since he now knows what he wants and poor mom is at his beck and call. We are seriously considering sending him to a playschool with day care next year. I am anxious about it but I hope I will make the right decision for my son. A working mother’s guilt continues…

I hope all is well at your end.



Little A has a binky (his trusted pacifier). My hubby and I was in a dilemma at the beginning deciding whether to start little A on the pacifier. I did a lot of reading and there are studies that says pacifier’s reduces chances of sudden infant death, and with little A frequent reflux when he was a baby, the pacifier given right after his feeds seems to reduce the reflux, so we kept at it. Now 1 year and almost 6 months later I am searching frantically online on how to make little A give up his good ole friend. My mom wasn’t really worried about the use of the binky, he is still a baby she says and it does help to calm him down for naps, since mom takes care of little A when I’m at work; as much as I want little A to be off his binky, easing my mom’s day to day with little A was more important at this point of time. I’ve read that the pacifier will not harm the teeth till later years of persistence use so we had a little time still.

This takes us to Saturday 13th May 2017. I was in bed with little A playing tickle. We just got home after a week’s holiday in Australia. Tired from lugging the luggage back to the house, we (read I) needed a nap. The usual nap time routine – little A had his bottle and his trusty binky in his mouth. I spoke softly to little A, I said “you are such a big boy now, big boys don’t need your binky anymore” , little A laughed and we played around some more. Suddenly out of nowhere little A took his binky out of his mouth and threw it on the floor at the same time sobbing. I asked what was wrong and picked up the binky and handed it back to him. He shake his head no but continues sobbing. I held little A close to my chest and told him, I knew it was hard, but if he is ready I will help him get through this. He fell asleep sobbing in my arms – without his binky. Shocked in an understatement. I don’t know how much little A understood. He’s a baby surely he didn’t understand what I said right?

I told hubby about the incident after our nap (a very short nap since someone didn’t have his binky in his mouth), and my husband’s reaction was, he picked up the binky from the bed and put the handle part in his mouth and offered the other end to little A (they do this often together). I got So angry at hubs! Here was little A trying with all his might to stop and his daddy is parading the binky right in his face. I was so upset. Thankfully little A didn’t take the bait and little A was binky free throughout the night. The next day we were getting ready to go out to celebrate mother’s day, hubby decided to put little A in coverall. It almost didn’t fit anymore and little A looked like a baby in it compared to the usual shorts and t-shirt we usually dress him in. Suddenly I realised, little A was ready to let go and be a big boy, HIS DAD WASN’T ready to let go just yet. He wanted his baby. In the excitement and effort to help my son go through this process I didn’t stop to think what this represents to his dad and me. Our son is growing up too fast. He is so different than the little helpless baby we brought home from the hospital 1year and 6months ago. He’s smart, determine and strong and has a mind of his own. My hubby needed a little time to process that. I need time to let this sink in…………

Binky free since 13th May 2017 – Mama is so proud of you little A.

It feels soooo long since I last updated this blog. I’m embarrass at how lazy I’ve been! Our Little A is 17 month and 2 weeks old. Was shopping for a swimming suite for him the other day and bought one for age 3 and it fits him with only a small room to grow!!! He’s getting so big! We are taking the opportunity to travel a bit since Little A could still be a lap baby on flights. We took Little A to Tokyo. My mom wanted to go see cherry blossoms, so we tagged along and had a wonderful time. Little A got to spend time in the parks chasing birds, we went to the zoo to see pandas, gorillas and the polar bear, Little A loved all the bears. We even took him to the mountains to experience snow.

He had a cold and the weather in Tokyo was cold but he was a trooper! I’m trying to forget what felt like an hour of screaming in the plane as the plane descended. Nothing could calm him down. I think it must have been the flu and how the ear aches as the pressure in the plane shifted. It was probably just 15 minutes at most but it felt like ages. There were stares, most sympathetic but I’m sure there were some annoyed at the wracked. I felt so sorry for my little boy to have put him through that. When we landed we let Little A run around a bit which he loved and of course needed after a 7 hours flight. The trip back home was better, thank god! We are attempting another 7 hours flight later this week this time to Australia. We’ll be on the red eye so I’m hoping he will sleep the whole way through. Wish us luck!

This pass few days we have been having trouble giving Little A his formula. He simply refuse them and when he does drink it would be a couple of ounces. If this continues we will have to look into giving him more cheese and yogurt as a substitute. 

I’m leaving you with a rare picture of Little A 😄

Hope is well at your end..


Feeling melancholy today. First day at work after a week off with little A. I wish it was for fun and play but the reason for the long break was because little A had the Hand Foot and Mouth disease aka HFMD. His cousin had HFMD during the CNY break and we were very careful making sure they stayed out of each other’s way until he was well. We disinfect their toys etc. We thought little A was all clear since it has been almost a month but I guess we weren’t that lucky. I doubt little A caught it from his cousin though. Dr says there had been many cases recently.

Little A had a rash around his mouth. The night before I gave him some of my husband nasi goreng before tasting it first. The fried rice had belacan in it so we both thought that that was the trigger for what seems to be an allergy reaction. We brought him to his Dr and the dr thought the same. He gave little A some cream and flu meds and sent us on our way. Since it was just an allergy reaction, I decided to not use the dr’s cream but instead applied coconut oil instead. A day after the dr’s visit, little a had a high fever reaching 39.5. I stayed home to make sure he had his meds and to keep the fever at bay. The red around his mouth has subsided but I noticed a blister on the side of little A’s mouth. Looking closer I saw a red spot on his feet. I kinda knew then that it was HFMD but since little A was active playing and eating ok I didn’t worry. The next day little A started drooling excessively. His shirt was drenched and he didn’t want his milk, only water. More blisters has formed around his mouth hands we brought him to see the dr for confirmation and advice. The dr looked in his mouth and told us it was great that little A was still eating and drinking still because ulcers had formed all over his mouth! No meds really for HFMD, just calamine on the blisters and oral aid to numb the mouth a bit if it gets too painful to swallow, I gave little A ibuprofen for the fever which also helps with the pain. He refused to drink his milk but drank water and juice. I allowed him to have ice cream since it sooths his throat. The next couple of days was just to make sure he is comfortable and making sure he was hydrated and happy and had lots and lots of cuddles. Every day I would wake up to new spots on his face and body. It was pretty bad! He even had blisters on his private area! I would cry silently when I look at him but little A was a trooper all the while.

It took a good 5 days for little A to be almost himself again. The blisters started to dry out. There were big ones on his knee, feet and hands that needed to dry out before we would let him make his appearance in the world again though. We need to be sure he is ok and not spreading the virus to others.
From the ordeal, I got to spend a lot of time with my son. I got to just forget about work, meeting people or going out. In the day it was just the two of us (most of the time in our panamas) having fun playing, singing, cuddling and making a mess. Oh what a life!

Take care peeps, stay healthy!



Little A and mama caught the new year bug 😦 Little A was down with high fever of 39.4 C since new year’s day. The high temp got me really worried. We know from experience not to head to the Dr straight away, so this time we managed the fever making sure little A is comfortable and when the fever is high we gave him some over the counter meds to keep the fever in check. On the 3rd day, I thought it was time to see the dr. This time we went to our normal GP. She was great and did a thorough check up on little A. His throat was red she says but it was great that he is eating and drinking as usual. I was sick as well so she saw me too. Both of us had sore throat; me with a cold and flu but little A didn’t. She gave little A antibiotics and said if the fever doesn’t come down still to go straight to the hospital. The very next day after a night of high temp I felt uneasy and we took little A to the hospital to see his peeds. Little A needed a blood test and a nose swab to rule out dengue and influenza. The poor little dear had to get his blood tested. I made little A’s daddy go in with him, I was a scaredy-cat. I couldn’t bear to see little A being probe. When I heard little A crying, I cried silently outside wishing I could take the pain away. Result came in – neg for dengue and neg for influenza. Alhamdulillah. We are to take little A back to redo his blood works if the fever doesn’t go down after 2 days.

On little A:
Little A is so cute when he “talks” he can say fish (more like”ish”) and his roar like a lion, hiss like the snake and bark like the dog hehehe those are his favourite sounds for now I guess.

Happy new year Peeps! Hoping, wishing, praying that 2017 will be kind to all of us.




Fever is down, but rashes has developed. We are thinking measles. just called the doctor and he says it’s probably Roseola, but if we want to know for sure to take little A in. DH will get off work and take little A to see the Dr today.

Updatate #2:

Been to see the Dr and confirmed Roseola.Just calamine lotion and keep him comfy. I’m off work tomorrow to give little A lots of cuddle time. Doakan Little A cepat sembuh ye.

Merry Christmas, can’t believe we are at the end of the year already. In a couple of days we will meet 2017! I’m loving the long weekends we’ve been having. I think a 4 days a week for work is the way to go. If I become PM I’d make that compulsory LOL

We’ve been having some separation issues. By we, I mean me and little A. The usual routine on work days would be, little a and dH would drop me off and dH would drive little A to mummy’s and we’ll pick up little A together at around 6.30pm. These past few months the dropping me off has been tough. Before I leave the car I’ll tell him, “mama is going work and will be back at 6.30, you have fun with mummy ok, learn new things 🙂 take care of mummy for me”. I’m not sure he understands though; maybe he does? He would wave and blow me kisses and I’d do the same, then he would cry and cry as the car pulls away. Of course seeing this I would cry too. Dh tell’s me that little A would cry himself to sleep until they reach mummy’s house. It breaks my heart. I don’t know how to make it better. He loves going to mummy’s. He has his cousins there and he loves playing with them. It’s the – me leaving part I guess. Lately little A has been really clingy. I love it because I get to be close to him for cuddles and play. I get little done around the house, but that’s ok too. We just won’t have people over for the next year or two haha… the down side is, when I have to go way to work, or to shower little A would cry buckets. I hope we can start dealing with the separation anxiety; both at his end and mine. Anyone have a remedy on how we can cope better? Advice is welcome.



I’ve written about her a few times. Our baby bear, my daughter who is my niece. I don’t like it when people call her my niece or if she introduces me as her aunt because our relationship is more than that. What do you call someone who teaches you how to be a mother? What do you call someone that makes you feel unconditional love, and the desire to always want to care for and protect and give your maternal instinct an outlet? A daughter, she is my daughter.

After 2 years of marriage, me and dH was ready to start a family. My elder sister has a son who was 3 and was ready to have another. We thought wouldn’t it be fun if we were to get pregnant at the same time! To experience the journey with my big sister would have been awesome. Well, we all know now, it didn’t happen for us. My sister on the other hand had a little girl. dH and I took to her straight away. We fell in love with her coos and her cute button nose. Since my sister and I were living with my parents, we got to see each other every single day. We would carry and cuddle her every chance we got and babysit if her parents needed to go out. We would play with her and her brother. When she was fussy and crying, dH and I could always calm her down.

I think it was when she was almost 2 when her mom was pregnant with her little brother that she started to love sleeping with us at night. Well then again I was the famous aunt, both of the kids loved playing and having sleepovers ; P Since she was no longer breastfeeding we could take her out with us. We even took her on a holiday out of town just the 3 of us (or at least till the next morning when my sister and parents decided to show up LOL). I guess we had our share of dirty diapers, nursing a sick child, throw up all over the sheets in the middle of the night, disciplining and easing tantrums as well as millions of hugs and kisses. I guess that is why in a way dH and I were never too lonely, I was Mama Bear and dH was Papa Bear and we had our Baby Bear. We were a family.

When we moved to our own place, we got baby bear on weekends. I cherished those moments. We would go out shopping or watch musicals, bake cookies and cakes, rush and finish homework or just lay in the bed and cuddle. When I got pregnant with little A aka Little Bear, many people tells me that once I have him, my relationship with her would change. I told them they were crazy, they didn’t know the bond I have with her so how could they judge? Now a year on, have the relationship changed? I hope not. I know the love I have for her has not changed one bit. The family dynamics has changed. Baby Bear loves her little brother very much and is aware that he needs me. Baby bear is now 12 and has her own thing going on with friends and school and puberty. This last 6 months I get to see her lesser and lesser since her parents has moved. Sleep over is becoming rarer as she has piano lessons and friends sleep over on weekends. I miss her. I know she has to grow up, but she is and always will be our Baby Bear. When she came by a couple of weeks ago, I did her facial, it was hurried as is my life right now, but when I looked at her face, I can’t help but stare. There was that telltale knot in my throat, I teared up. She has grown up. She is no longer the cute baby with button nose that I held in my lap, she is now a beautiful young lady.

I remembered a time, when I was worried about the future, who will take care of me when I’m old and grey? Sha do you remember your promise? (Her answer to the question was “of course Sha lah jaga mama” I will take care of you) Now we have you and little A to look out for me and Papa Bear when we old and grey. Alhamdulillah. We are so blessed.

I know our lives will change as you grow older my love, but one thing that will stay constant is our love for you. I hope it is the same at your end too. Goodnight Baby Bear, Goodnight Papa Bear, Goodnight Little Bear. Mama Bear loves you

Little A had a slight fever last night and got somewhat worst this morning. This is his first fever, he had the flu a few times but his temperature never got this high. I’m at work. I was all ready to call in to stay home but I have a system going live today and I need to be at work. I need to be at home too. I need to be with my baby but I left for work. I’m ridden with guilt. Ahhh – the working mom’s guilt. Thankfully we were staying at my mom’s last night since we were celebrating my nephew’s birthday. We planned on the sleep over at mom’s and as it turned out a blessing. Now little A is with his dad. Yea, dH got to stay home from work today. My mom and dad is also there to entertain the little one and back dH up. That eases my worry a little bit. He cried when I left for work today, usually he would just wave and blow me kisses. I had to leave quickly, not wanting to let him see the tears streaming down my face.

DH took little A to see his dr just to be safe. My dad when along with him because he says he wanted to make sure his grandson was ok. Auwww how sweet was that? As it turned out, the dr didn’t give little A anything, just asked us to monitor him for a couple of days since the fever is still new it was too soon to rule anything out. We are to make sure little A drinks a lot of milk and water and eat fruits for vitamin C. If the fever persist in next few days we need to take little A in to get his blood tested. Praying that little A will get well really soon and he is just teething and nothing more sinister. We took little A swimming last week and he enjoyed it so much and love putting his head underwater, I’m hoping the fever is not from an ear infection. Thankfully we have a long weekend coming. I can’t wait to be home with my baby.

TGIF – Have a good weekend my dears!


My handsome, smart, cheeky little man, you are ONE today. That’s a whole number!!! This past year has been the best year of our lives and it is all because of you and we thank Allah every day for His precious gift. I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that I have a 1 year old. It feels like only yesterday that I heard your heart beating in my belly for the first time. It still feels like a dream. I hope I will not forget the way I felt when I was carrying you in my belly, or when I gave birth to you, the first time I held you in my arms, our first kiss, your first shesek (feed) and first nappy change, the first time you said “Mama”. There has been so many first… and I pray to Allah that there would be many-many more special time we will share together.

My prayers for you my son, I pray that Allah bless you with a long and happy life, with good health and abundance of wealth. A life full of happiness, success and fulfillment. I pray that you will be passionate and compassionate. May Allah guide you in all decision that you make. Above all I pray that you will be a good Muslim. Keep Allah close to your heart, sayang.

If you are reading this and wonder what a 1 year old you was like, let Mama give you a glimpse.

• You are a very friendly baby. You like people a lot.

• You can crawl like a champ and you are really fast too. You refuse to walk though. You can furniture surf and climb very well but when we try to make you walk you would just sit. And when mummy or mama say “tak teh” you will start a bounce like dance

• You like to eat. I love it when you say nnnnnaaaakkk every time you want another bite. We let you eat normal people food and you are not a picky eater. Mama cooks you bubur ayam and sup and also pear and apple puree to eat every day. You get pasta or rice with chicken when we eat out.

• You like to “run” away every time we have diaper change and make me catch you. No 2 diaper change can be challenging phew!

• You love bath time and cry when I take you out of the tub before you were finish splashing.

• You seem like bear compared to other animals. But of course since you are from the Bear family!

• Mama caved and let you watch nursery rimes on youTube. Your favorite is Badanamu because their songs are really upbeat. Mama likes the 5 little speckled frogs.

• You have a sense of humor. You like to take my compact powder when I get ready in the morning, and when I ask for it back you will place it in my hand and quickly grab it again and “run” away. It makes us both laugh every time

• You love your Baba, well sometimes you call him Dada. We’re not sure what you will end up calling your Dad. You have a strong bond with him and always rush to him when he gets home from work. He taught you to roar like a lion. You will roar every time you see him and everyone thinks it’s super cute. You roar when we say lion too.

• You love Mummy and gives her the most sloppiest kisses when you say goodnight to go home at the end of the day. Mummy always has an eye out for you. She even scold mama a few times if I did something wrong! You want mummy to always be near you all the time, even when you are happy playing, you will look up to see if mummy is still there. Mummy has a hard time trying to cook because you won’t let her go.

• You love your Papa and makes him do things for you. He would pick you up and “save” you every time Mummy puts you in your play area (you don’t like it much in there) and let you hang with him on his desk. Papa likes to take you and Mummy to buy goreng pisang in the evening and you enjoy your car rides with them, especially since you get to ride in the front seat with Mummy. Your goodnight ritual with Papa, he will bite your arm and you will squirm and giggle. I love watching you together. Fahmy Sr and Fahmi Jr!

• You love your Jai, Mama Lin and Mama Kin. All of them have a special bond with you. I think you like Jai most because you can make him do anything for you and carry you everywhere. He would even sit by the piano for 15 minutes while you serenade him 😀 He will tip toe when he tries to leave the room so you wouldn’t notice, but if he hears you crying for him he would come right back. You bond with your mama Lin too, in the beginning she says you seem to get us confused and thought mama Lin was me (but I know you know who your mama is). Mama Kin would help babysit you sometimes. You are her youTube buddy!

• You love your kakak sha, abg adam, abg acik, kakak hana, kakak khyra and abang aidan. Kakak Sha spends a lot of time taking care of you when she was waiting to start form 1 because she couldn’t get into a school till March. She helped mummy to take care of you the first few month I had to go back to work after my confinement. She loves you so much and likes to take selfies together. Abang Aidan spends the most time with you since the both of you go to “Mummy’s School”. He entertains you and guard you to make sure you don’t go to places you shouldn’t, like the kitchen. You get angry sometimes when he blocks your way but you will know in time that he was just trying to protect you.

You have so much love surrounding you sayang. You are a lucky-lucky boy. People call you a miracle baby, but aren’t all babies a miracle? The difference is, you are OUR miracle. You make Baba and Mama’s life complete. Be awesome, sayang. Be Great! Always know that Mama and Baba loves you.

Happy First Birthday my wonderful boy. I love you so much!

Love always,


Yes peeps, he is 11 month old. One month to go and he’ll be a whole number! I want the days to go slowly now. The days seems to just overlaps and before you know it, a week is out. Being a working mom is tough. There is a lot of guilt. Guilt for not being around to see your kids grow up. Only having a few hours at the end of the day with your child when you are tired and all you want to do check out. I try to be as engaging as I can. I want him to know I love him and want to spend time with him no matter how exhausted/sleepy/hungry mama is.

Little A is still crawling and furniture cruising. He doesn’t seem to want to attempt to walk. It ok though. He can take his time on that one. He ‘talks’ a lot (he takes after his grandPAPA :P). He just learned to clap his hands. I have been trying to teach him to clap since forever, he seems happy when I clap his hand for him but doesn’t seem to want to do it on his own, until one day we were on the escalator in a mall and he suddenly started clapping. I was so surprised I cried! LOL. Now when we sing the “if you’re happy and you know it” song he claps along. He can also stack the ring pyramid in order now. He says “nak mam” when he wants his bottle, calls out to “apang” and “kak kak” and is imitating what we say. He’s silly and loves to laugh out loud at anything funny, most recently he found the squeaky rubber chicken biting mama’s nose hilarious!

Hubby took me on a lunch date the other day. We haven’t had time alone to check in and really talk. Well this lunch date wasn’t even that as we were busy stuffing our face with yummy dim sum to even get serious. We did talk in passing about wanting to attempt no 2. My cycle has been really good so far but I have not been tracking. Hubby wants to go see Dr A. We’ve wanted to introduce little A to Dr A for a while now but still haven’t found a time to go. May be we could lump it with an actual appointment to see how or if we should attempt for no2. My big 4 – 0 is coming soon this is the reason that we might need to rush if we decide to try again. Aaaahh the life of an infertile. If we do attempt, you’ll be reading about it here.

I’ve been blog walking when I’m “free” to catch up. The blogs I frequent are mostly quite now. Some are busy with their little ones, one has found new love through adoption, some are in the midst of a treatment cycle while others has stopped treatment for a while to regroup after a failed attempt. I wish all of you well were ever you are.