You are currently browsing the monthly archive for November 2011.

I went to get my BP monitored yesterday after 10 days on meds. It has improved and the Dr says it’s a good idea to keep me on the meds. The dose is minimal 5mg which she says is pretty mild. I told her I’ve not been feeling 100% since taking the meds. It makes me feel a little woozy, she advised me to take my meds at night instead of in the morning. This morning I must say I feel better.

I got news that my newly married friend is pregnant. I’m so happy for her. I remember talking to her about how she thought she’d never meet her mr right. Now she has and expecting their bundle of joy. It weird feeling both joy and sadness at the same time. It feels like all your emotion is in your throat and you have butterfly in your tummy… I take a drink of water when I feel like this. It strangely helps LOL. I hope it happens for us but at the same time I pray that if it is destine for us not to have kids of our own that we are given the strength and wisdom to accept our fate. I’ve not done all I can and I’m not about to give up just yet.

I’m so proud of myself today. I had oatmeal for breakfast before work…yeay!! LOL. To tell you the truth, having breakfast in the morning on weekdays is a big deal for me. I usually skip breakfast all together. So this morning I had my bowl of oatmeal with raisins and some maple syrup.  It’s not the yummiest thing to eat but it’ll do for now. I will go pick up some nuts and berries and may be some cinnamon later to spice things up a bit. I wonder how long this will last. I hope I can stick to it long enough for it to benefit my health.  Actually the physiological effect of it is already there. I feel healthier, and there’s a bounce in my steps. It’s all in the head… We’ll work on changing breakfast first. Followed by lunch and dinner. Dinner will be a tough one since it’s the only meal I have with DH and we usually spend the time to catch up on our day. We usually eat out and the choices of healthy food are pretty limited and uninteresting. Let’s get pass breakfast first then we’ll talk.

 

It’s CD8 today and AF is still here. All this fertility stuff really makes my cycle go all over the place. Every cycle after a fail clomid or IUI, I’d go a couple of months without AF. Then the cycle after that would be horrible… like the revenge of AF. Sorry TMI ahead… look away… AF would be dark red and clots everywhere and last at least 10 days.. After that cycle then it’ll get back to normal again. I wonder why that is. My Dr says it’s the hormones. I sure hope it’s nothing serious. I’m hoping my hysteroscopy scheduled  for January goes well and they don’t find anything serious. I wish I could just let things be… It’s 2 months away and I’m already freaking out about the outcome. One day at a time….  One day at a time… let’s just obsess over oatmeal for now… bliss…

Since I’ve been on Metformin I’ve lost 11lb thats 5kg, yeay me! Not a whole lot coz I have quite a bit to lose, but it’s a start right? It’s been a while since I’ve lost any weight, especially since we started our fertility treatments the weight has been creeping up on me. My doctor told me that the high insulin level in my blood may be the cause that I find it hard to lose weight.  I’ve now cut my sugar intake, no more sodas or juices only water. I still sometimes indulge on chocolates though. I’m also what I’d call a carb addict. I need my bread, potatoes, rice. I find that every time I say I want to stop eating something I love, it makes me crave it more. So I still let myself have my favorite foods but limit my intake. I’m a work in progress.

 

The step back you ask? I haven’t been feeling too well this couple of days. I went to see my regular GP and guess what? I have high blood pressure?!#@$#@ How could this be happening? I’ve lost weight and gained hypertension? Deep breaths… On the flip side, maybe I will take this next 2 months to get my health in order. I have an appointment with an Endocrinologist next week. It’s a good thing that we get checked out now before we are well into out IVF journey right? I think so… Yesterday dear DH and I went to the supermarket and bought some organic oats. I’ve never been a fan of oats but I’ll give anything a try. The plan is, every morning before work, I will make myself a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast. I already feel healthy just writing that LOL. This morning I had my first bowl of oatmeal with some raisins. Oh how I wish it was Nasi Lemak or a chicken mc muffin instead… but it was bearable. I’ll be googling for oatmeal breakfast recipes tonight for sure.

The first time I met with Dr P, I thought it felt right. He was easy to talk to and spent time talking to us and explaining what’s what. He wanted to start IUI straight away. No need to waste time he says… fine by me!  He did my scan, put me on Progesterone to bring on AF and set appointment for CD2 for blood work. Blood work came in ok except for my insulin serum level was 43.  I was put on Metformin for Insulin resistance and Tamoxifen for my first IUI. It was an exciting time. For the first time in my IF journey I thought this is it. I’m finally going to be a mother… But life has other plans. Our first IUI was a BFN. And my belief in fairytales ended.

 

We waited 2 month before going for round 2 of IUI. This time I was on Tamoxifen as well as Folistim injections. The injections made it more intense and real for me. With Tamoxifen during the first IUI cycle I managed to produce 2 good size follicles. This time with the addition of the injectable we thought the outcome would be better. On CD12, the scan shows I had only 1 follicle though it was the right size; it was in the wrong ovary. It was on my right, my blocked tube. I was devastated. The Dr told us that there is still a chance, and told us to think about proceeding with the IUI or do it the old fashion way. He said “you’ve come so far, don’t just do nothing”. We left the Dr room to think for a bit. We didn’t want to waste money on an IUI that have very little chance of succeeding but we couldn’t decide. The Dr called us back to his room a while later and made the decision for us. He would perform the IUI on me with no charge! “Only pay me if you get pregnant” he says…. Tears… I didn’t know this kind of people still exists. I’m great full and humbled by his act of kindness towards us. It made me believe again. Though this cycle was another BFN, I know that I’ve chosen the right Dr for our journey to become parents. He doesn’t just have the skill more importantly he also had the heart. So now on to IVF 2012. Wish us luck!

Still no pregnancy… not even a small one… Age is catching up and at the same time we are both more settled and comfortable in our own skin. This time around after some research, we met with a Dr in a private hospital very close to home. I was sent to do my HSG and blood work and SA for DH. HSG result – Right tube = Devastated!  DH SA = Great! Blood work = OK. 3 Clomid cycle later all BFN. We wanted to proceed with IUI but the Dr suggested that we go straight to IVF. We decided to get a second opinion.

After 2 years of marriage and still no baby, we got ourselves an appointment to see an OBGYN at a local teaching hospital. The first appointment was really stressful. Here we were talking to the doctor about our sex life with 10 young student doctors (may be it was just 5 but it felt “crowded”). I was sent for a scan and a CD21 blood work and DH was sent to do his SA. All turned out ok so we decided to leave it to fate. We were still young and wanted to focus on our careers. No more doctors… at least for now.

Unable to make babies has never crossed my mind. I’ve always imagine, I’d get married at 27 to the man of my dreams and we’ll make beautiful babies together. Friends would let me know that I’d be a great mother and homemaker oppose a career woman. At 24 I met the man of my dreams, and 11 months later we were man and wife. The courtship was short and whirlwind. We decided to wait a year before trying. We wanted it to be just us before the babies come…little did we know our journey towards parenthood would be THIS…