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I wrote this a day before the actual birthday but didn’t quite made it to post.

17 November 2017

You are 2 today – A letter to my son on your 2nd Birthday

Mama’s dearest son, the light of my life, you are Two today! It feels like yesterday and at the same time I almost can’t remember my life without you in it. You are a smart boy who also always knows how to get your way. You are a charmer and it is very hard to say no to you. I wish I am able to spend more time with you like your mommy, but mama have to work. We love our weekends together don’t we? I promise to love you unconditionally, to cherish our time together and to always make time for you. You can always count on me.

If you are reading this and wonder what a 2 year old you was like, let Mama give you a glimpse.

• We love singing in Barney “I love you” song before bed. May favorite part is when you hug both me and your baba when we get to the “great big hug” then we will both kiss you at the same time and let you finish the song on your own and you will sing “won’t you say you love me toooooooo” My heart just melts

• We will sing “If you’re happy and you know it” in the lift in the morning. You get so upbeat and ready to go to your mommy’s school and us off to work

• You can be very polite with your thank yous and peeess. So you always get your way with us and of course papa and mummy

• You knew your numbers from 0-10 by sight by 15 months and your alphabets at 19 months

• You can throw a tantrum like a pro. Lately you have been throwing yourself on the floor if you don’t get what you want. Mama not too happy with that.

• You start to talk a little bit. Most still babbles but sometimes you surprise us with words you use. You like to say “Amazing” and “delicious” when you see something that excites you.

• We would make videos together about colors, shapes and alphabets (look it up ok. Mama have uploaded them in the clouds J)

• You love your bear. You take him with us when we go on vacation

• You weigh 14kg. We still carry you at times since you don’t sit still and like to be independent and we worry you would get lost or get into trouble. You don’t have a problem with your car seat or your stroller anymore and help mama put the buckles on.

• Every time we ask you if you want a baby brother or sister you will say ‘NO!’ and jump in between us – so don’t blame us if you are an only child! LOL (Thank God you have your Shisha to always look out for you)

My son, know that mama loves you so much. You are the bright and shiny star that Allah has generously granted me and your dad… the best gift…the most precious. Be good. Be kind. Be awesome my son. Pray for us. Keep Allah close to your heart.

Happy 2nd Birthday little Bear. Mama loves you.


Just ONE more month before the big 2. Wow little A has gotten so big (tears). My little bitty baby boy is almost 2. He is a ball of energy. Put him down and he runs. He does look back to see if we (reads the old folks) are running after him. I sometimes wonder why I’m not skinny yet with all the running LOL. Little A is getting smarter by the second. He knows his ABC by sight both upper and lower case and can count and recognise numbers 0-10. His favourite word for now is “Amazing” and I just love the way he says it with his facial expression and all. On the talking front, he still babbles a lot. He seems to know words but does not know how to use them or listen to instruction well. It’s hard since little A is our first, we don’t have a benchmark on what is the “norm” at this age. How active is too active? How many word should he already know? Should he be talking in sentences by now? There are times when I worry and want to get him assessed by professionals and the family think I’m overreacting, so I’ve been consulting with the ole trusty Dr Google and reading blogs but I’ve found that the difference in development for kids this age is vast! It’s hard not to worry.  We as parents wants the best for our children. I hope I’m making the right decisions for little A. Sometimes I worry he is not communicating enough but then just this morning he came to me and said “oh on, sorry mama” and I asked him “what happened sayang?” He said nothing…. Only to find out he pooped his diaper LOL.

Next update will be his 2nd birthday insyaAllah. Till then…

Little A has a binky (his trusted pacifier). My hubby and I was in a dilemma at the beginning deciding whether to start little A on the pacifier. I did a lot of reading and there are studies that says pacifier’s reduces chances of sudden infant death, and with little A frequent reflux when he was a baby, the pacifier given right after his feeds seems to reduce the reflux, so we kept at it. Now 1 year and almost 6 months later I am searching frantically online on how to make little A give up his good ole friend. My mom wasn’t really worried about the use of the binky, he is still a baby she says and it does help to calm him down for naps, since mom takes care of little A when I’m at work; as much as I want little A to be off his binky, easing my mom’s day to day with little A was more important at this point of time. I’ve read that the pacifier will not harm the teeth till later years of persistence use so we had a little time still.

This takes us to Saturday 13th May 2017. I was in bed with little A playing tickle. We just got home after a week’s holiday in Australia. Tired from lugging the luggage back to the house, we (read I) needed a nap. The usual nap time routine – little A had his bottle and his trusty binky in his mouth. I spoke softly to little A, I said “you are such a big boy now, big boys don’t need your binky anymore” , little A laughed and we played around some more. Suddenly out of nowhere little A took his binky out of his mouth and threw it on the floor at the same time sobbing. I asked what was wrong and picked up the binky and handed it back to him. He shake his head no but continues sobbing. I held little A close to my chest and told him, I knew it was hard, but if he is ready I will help him get through this. He fell asleep sobbing in my arms – without his binky. Shocked in an understatement. I don’t know how much little A understood. He’s a baby surely he didn’t understand what I said right?

I told hubby about the incident after our nap (a very short nap since someone didn’t have his binky in his mouth), and my husband’s reaction was, he picked up the binky from the bed and put the handle part in his mouth and offered the other end to little A (they do this often together). I got So angry at hubs! Here was little A trying with all his might to stop and his daddy is parading the binky right in his face. I was so upset. Thankfully little A didn’t take the bait and little A was binky free throughout the night. The next day we were getting ready to go out to celebrate mother’s day, hubby decided to put little A in coverall. It almost didn’t fit anymore and little A looked like a baby in it compared to the usual shorts and t-shirt we usually dress him in. Suddenly I realised, little A was ready to let go and be a big boy, HIS DAD WASN’T ready to let go just yet. He wanted his baby. In the excitement and effort to help my son go through this process I didn’t stop to think what this represents to his dad and me. Our son is growing up too fast. He is so different than the little helpless baby we brought home from the hospital 1year and 6months ago. He’s smart, determine and strong and has a mind of his own. My hubby needed a little time to process that. I need time to let this sink in…………

Binky free since 13th May 2017 – Mama is so proud of you little A.

It feels soooo long since I last updated this blog. I’m embarrass at how lazy I’ve been! Our Little A is 17 month and 2 weeks old. Was shopping for a swimming suite for him the other day and bought one for age 3 and it fits him with only a small room to grow!!! He’s getting so big! We are taking the opportunity to travel a bit since Little A could still be a lap baby on flights. We took Little A to Tokyo. My mom wanted to go see cherry blossoms, so we tagged along and had a wonderful time. Little A got to spend time in the parks chasing birds, we went to the zoo to see pandas, gorillas and the polar bear, Little A loved all the bears. We even took him to the mountains to experience snow.

He had a cold and the weather in Tokyo was cold but he was a trooper! I’m trying to forget what felt like an hour of screaming in the plane as the plane descended. Nothing could calm him down. I think it must have been the flu and how the ear aches as the pressure in the plane shifted. It was probably just 15 minutes at most but it felt like ages. There were stares, most sympathetic but I’m sure there were some annoyed at the wracked. I felt so sorry for my little boy to have put him through that. When we landed we let Little A run around a bit which he loved and of course needed after a 7 hours flight. The trip back home was better, thank god! We are attempting another 7 hours flight later this week this time to Australia. We’ll be on the red eye so I’m hoping he will sleep the whole way through. Wish us luck!

This pass few days we have been having trouble giving Little A his formula. He simply refuse them and when he does drink it would be a couple of ounces. If this continues we will have to look into giving him more cheese and yogurt as a substitute.

I’m leaving you with a rare picture of Little A 😄

Hope all is well at your end..


Merry Christmas, can’t believe we are at the end of the year already. In a couple of days we will meet 2017! I’m loving the long weekends we’ve been having. I think a 4 days a week for work is the way to go. If I become PM I’d make that compulsory LOL

We’ve been having some separation issues. By we, I mean me and little A. The usual routine on work days would be, little a and dH would drop me off and dH would drive little A to mummy’s and we’ll pick up little A together at around 6.30pm. These past few months the dropping me off has been tough. Before I leave the car I’ll tell him, “mama is going work and will be back at 6.30, you have fun with mummy ok, learn new things 🙂 take care of mummy for me”. I’m not sure he understands though; maybe he does? He would wave and blow me kisses and I’d do the same, then he would cry and cry as the car pulls away. Of course seeing this I would cry too. Dh tell’s me that little A would cry himself to sleep until they reach mummy’s house. It breaks my heart. I don’t know how to make it better. He loves going to mummy’s. He has his cousins there and he loves playing with them. It’s the – me leaving part I guess. Lately little A has been really clingy. I love it because I get to be close to him for cuddles and play. I get little done around the house, but that’s ok too. We just won’t have people over for the next year or two haha… the down side is, when I have to go way to work, or to shower little A would cry buckets. I hope we can start dealing with the separation anxiety; both at his end and mine. Anyone have a remedy on how we can cope better? Advice is welcome.



Yes peeps, he is 11 month old. One month to go and he’ll be a whole number! I want the days to go slowly now. The days seems to just overlaps and before you know it, a week is out. Being a working mom is tough. There is a lot of guilt. Guilt for not being around to see your kids grow up. Only having a few hours at the end of the day with your child when you are tired and all you want to do check out. I try to be as engaging as I can. I want him to know I love him and want to spend time with him no matter how exhausted/sleepy/hungry mama is.

Little A is still crawling and furniture cruising. He doesn’t seem to want to attempt to walk. It ok though. He can take his time on that one. He ‘talks’ a lot (he takes after his grandPAPA :P). He just learned to clap his hands. I have been trying to teach him to clap since forever, he seems happy when I clap his hand for him but doesn’t seem to want to do it on his own, until one day we were on the escalator in a mall and he suddenly started clapping. I was so surprised I cried! LOL. Now when we sing the “if you’re happy and you know it” song he claps along. He can also stack the ring pyramid in order now. He says “nak mam” when he wants his bottle, calls out to “apang” and “kak kak” and is imitating what we say. He’s silly and loves to laugh out loud at anything funny, most recently he found the squeaky rubber chicken biting mama’s nose hilarious!

Hubby took me on a lunch date the other day. We haven’t had time alone to check in and really talk. Well this lunch date wasn’t even that as we were busy stuffing our face with yummy dim sum to even get serious. We did talk in passing about wanting to attempt no 2. My cycle has been really good so far but I have not been tracking. Hubby wants to go see Dr A. We’ve wanted to introduce little A to Dr A for a while now but still haven’t found a time to go. May be we could lump it with an actual appointment to see how or if we should attempt for no2. My big 4 – 0 is coming soon this is the reason that we might need to rush if we decide to try again. Aaaahh the life of an infertile. If we do attempt, you’ll be reading about it here.

I’ve been blog walking when I’m “free” to catch up. The blogs I frequent are mostly quite now. Some are busy with their little ones, one has found new love through adoption, some are in the midst of a treatment cycle while others has stopped treatment for a while to regroup after a failed attempt. I wish all of you well were ever you are.