From 20th April 2015

We hear your heart beating today. I was too scared to look at the ultrasound screen. The screen that usually hung above the examination table was not there today and I was secretly happy that it wasn’t. I was too scared to look. I closed my eyes as the dr started doing the scan. She repeated last appointment data, the sac was 7mm she says. It should double that by now and we should see the yolk sac. When she looked at the screen she let out an “ummmm”. I stopped breathing. I looked at her face trying to gauge what the “ummmm” meant, and in the next breath she said “dah nampak baby dah pun” she could already see the baby. She was excited and says she wanted to measure the heartbeat. She turned up the sound. What I heard next was the single most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. The dr looked at me and said “bes kan?” referring to the sound of the heart beating. The dr says it gave her goosebumps… she knows our history so she knew what this means to us. I took a breath and nodded and my emotions just got me. I started to cry. She called hubby to get his phone to video the whole scan. “Ambil gambar mamanye sekali” she says to hubby. Wanting to make sure we had this moment for keeps. I’m on cloud nine. I’m grateful to Allah that He allowed me to have this moment. Alhamdulillah. I’ve dreamt of this moment, what I thought it would be like and Allah has given me much more than I expected.

Before leaving the clinic, I thank Dr A. It probably sounded like the usual thank you at the end of every visits. I don’t think she knows how really thankful I am to have her guiding us through this journey. I’m thankful that Allah choose her to be his means for us to have this moment. Thank you is not enough, Dr Adilah. I’m forever grateful. I know the road is long and there’s so much that can happen still. I choose to take this pregnancy in stride. Today I’m over the moon, today I’m thankful for Allah’s blessing of a heartbeat.

Love,

N

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