It’s not good news I’m afraid. The Dr found the gestational sac and the yolk sac but couldn’t find a baby. I have dreamed of a happier outcome but it was not meant to be I guess. I was calm throughout the procedure and asked questions I needed answers to. The dr was sympathetic and told me that nothing that I did or did not do caused this. It’s usually caused by some abnormal chromosomes and it was nature taking care of things. I asked what do I do next, he says to wait a week and have another ultrasound to see if there is any change. He says that he hoped that he is proven wrong and that the baby is ok and hiding somewhere but he highly doubts it. He also offered to refer me to another dr with better ultrasound equipment so I can have my peace of mind and not have to wait a whole week, but I decided to wait the week.

I won’t lie, I did a lot of crying once we got to the car and back home. My hopes and dreams shattered once again. Years and years of fertility treatments, twice pregnant and twice not able to see a baby in my hand. I trust in Allah and His plans for us. If I didn’t I would probably go out of my mind. I’ve decided that if there is no change on the next appointment to proceed with a D&C to end the pregnancy. During my first pregnancy, I waited to miscarry naturally but the waiting game is too much and too heart breaking to go through again. I’ve also decided that this will be my last fertility treatment. I don’t think my heart can take any more heartbreaks. We will pursue adoption, in sha Allah.

I know I shouldn’t give up just yet. It can still go either way, but I don’t want to put too much hope on the outcome of our next scan. I must be realistic.

Thank you for all your prayers.

Love

N

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