Man I did… I read a review in one of the blog I hopped on to (I’m sorry I forgot the name of the blog) so since hubby had to work late on Friday, our usual movie night was canceled so I had my own movie night. How I cried! Swollen face, blood shot eyes, snort and all LOL… and that was just 15 minutes into the movie! Well the story starts like this; a couple was in the doctor’s office and the doctor was telling them that basically they have exhaust all their options to have a baby of their own and advising them to move on to other options.  When they got home and after a lot of crying in the bathroom, the wife told the husband that they needed to move on. But the husband told her that he wasn’t ready to move on. He wanted to talk about it tonight and move on tomorrow. So that night they talked about their child. What could/would have been, what their child would be like… how their son will have a good heart, he’ll be honest to a fault, score the winning goal… they wrote all these attributes on a piece of paper, and then put it in a box and buried it in their garden….that scenegot me bad! It’s like they were burying their hopes and dreams, their would be child. At this point the memories ofmy miscarriage, the box I created for my would be baby and burying him in the ground… all of it came rushing through my head and I can’t breathe. It felt like there was a ton of brick on my chest.

Through the years I have thought a lot about what our child would be like. I wanted him/her to have hubby’s light brown eyes because I fell in love with him looking in it. I wanted our child to have my sense of humor and his charisma. His good hair rather than my unruly curls LOL that sort of things…. I wonder if we would ever get to know what our biological child will be like… I don’t know if I would ever hold our biological child in my hand, or see him/her smile at me. Like the people in the movie, I might one day have exhausted all of my options. I have never said this out loud but it’s been in my head… I just don’t want to believe it. Not yet at least.

There is more to this movie than the first 15 minutes I talked about. But that scene really got to me. It’s like looking into my worst nightmare. The movie had a happy ending though… I won’t spoil it for you people who haven’t seen it 😉 It’s a good movie … go watch!

 

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Here’s praying that all of our fears are just nightmares and all our hopes and dreams come true.

Love

N

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