It’s been a while since my last entry. It’s not because of lack of stories to tell but there have been too many incidents that are just too scary to put in words. Two weekends ago, the company my husband works with had a company retreat at a resort 3 hours’ drive from home. I took Friday off and we were set for a fun filled weekend. The very first night there we had dinner and then there were fireworks… we got in pretty late that night and had an early morning the next day at a water park. I didn’t sleep well that night; my body didn’t feel too good. When I woke up that morning I noticed some blood. It wasn’t a lot just some spotting but it was pink so I know it’s wasn’t old blood. It was so scary. It was still too early to call my Dr so I told my husband to go ahead for the day’s event and I stayed at the hotel and put my feet up. DH was reluctant to go but I assured him I was ok. The spotting didn’t stop. While DH was away he called our clinic and they told us to go to the ER local private hospital near the resort and ask for a progesterone shot.  DH got back and we drove to the nearest ER which was 45 minutes away. We got to see an IVF Dr there but they did not prescribe progesterone shot but instead asked me to increase my oral progesterone dose to 3 times a day (which I did not do). He did an abdominal scan on me and did not see anything except for a very thick lining. He had warned us earlier that we might not see anything and to not panic if we don’t. I was just at 16dp3dt so it would be too early anyway for an abdominal scan. He says that the bleed could be from implantation or this could also be a chemical pregnancy… It didn’t make me feel better after seeing him… not one bit. I spend the rest of the weekend crying and staying in bed. At the end of the trip, I had to see everyone during check out and they kept asking if I was ok (hubby told them I wasn’t feeling well hens my absence) I had to hold back tears when I tell them I was just under the weather…I was a mess!

We saw my regular Dr on Monday. He had me take another bhcg blood test and the numbers were going up but still on the low side. I was given a progesterone shot and sent home. My first scan was originally set for 7 weeks but because of the bleed/spotting it has been brought forward to Thursday. I’m so scared that they wouldn’t find anything during the scan… during my trip to the ER when the nurses/dr there asked if I was pregnant, I felt like an imposter when I said I was. I feel like the rug will be pulled right from under me and I would be found out!

 I’m still turning the pee stick positive…that comforts me somewhat. I’ve resolved to the fact that there is nothing I can do to change the outcome of this pregnancy. Being weepy and stressed does not help my condition so I am staying calm and taking everything a day at a time. That is all that I can handle right now.