I had a good cry yesterday… it would be my last day being PUPO since I”ll know for sure today. I talked to my little embies.. telling them I loved them no matter what. They were my pride and joy and I’ve loved them since day one I knew they existed. I’ve tried my best and it has always been in Gods hands.

Went to the Dr today feeling on the edge. Didn’t talk much to DH on the way there. We were supposed to do the blood draw today and wait 2 hours for the result. If it was positive we were supposed to go back to clinic to get additional meds. I told DH that I wanted to get back to work after the blood draw. I still have enough meds to last me till tomorrow and if it was positive we can drop by the clinic tomorrow to get it refilled. The truth is I didn’t feel positive at all and I didn’t want to stay around to wait for the result. I wanted to get busy and distracted with work. I had planned to ask the clinic to call DH when the result came but I didn’t remember to ask…

At 9am I had my blood drawn by the nice lady… she didn’t get my veins on the first try and was very apologetic about it… I was back at work by 9:30… 10:30 I got the call… nurse L was on the line. She seems hesitant to speak… she told me my hcg was 48.8. they like the number to be above 90 I think, so it could be a late implantation or a chemical…they want me to come in in 2 days time to get another test to make sure it’s increasing as it should. The Doctor probably heard the conversation and took the phone, he told me what nurse L had missed to tell me was that I was pregnant. My numbers are a little on the low side but to not make any conclusion. Come to get a repeat blood test in 2 days and we will see from there. I am to continue my meds.

How do I feel? I’m happy that my embies are still in my tummy and trying to hold on. I’m afraid of the what ifs. I’m praying for the best; that my embies hold on really tight and decide to stay on the whole 9 months.

Please send some baby dust this way if you have some to spare…

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